I am fully aware that the blog I am about to write probably has little purpose and may be pretty uninteresting to read. I am writing it to relieve myself of my current frustrations and feelings, I promised more funny stories...I hope those come back tomorrow.
I am sure that whatever the circumstance when things get tough each of us feels that what we are going through is the hardest. I am no different. I know that there are stay at home moms who feel as though there job is the hardest and it is...and I know there are moms who work outside the home and leave their children with someone else each day and they feel their job is the hardest and it is... Well, I stay at home with Micah sometimes (like during naps and meals) and then I take him to work with me sometimes during his waking and happy moments. I am so thankful that I have the kind of job where I can do this... BUT...you knew there was going to be a but...On days like today though I think trying to do both is the hardest (although I am fully aware that I am kidding myself and there are many that have it MUCH harder) But I live in my world in my house with my child and it is all that I know, so pretend with me that mine is the hardest. Because I do both work and stay at home there is no real end and beginning with job and home time. It all blends together...I answer phone calls, trying to be professional while I wipe poop off my hand. I smile and refill someones drink, while trying to keep Micah from dipping his finger in it and licking it. I sing to Micah while I hang up bulletin boards. I find myself promising him just one more stop then we can go home... I try to read to, feed, play with Micah all while trying to ignore my phones buzzing. On days like today I wonder to myself, what am I accomplishing? Is this really good for Micah? Am I giving anyone my all? Is God pleased with our parenting? I once again rack my brain for a way to make money and not work...still nothing. So I will get up tomorrow and it will be a new day and I will pray that God graciously allows me to continue to do both and that I am not damaging my child in the midst of it all. I so want what is best for our family and I so pray and hope that doing the best I can is good enough, but today it doesn't feel like it. But today will be over soon...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
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6 comments:
i totally hear you! it IS hard to do both, at the same time, all the time. I feel like the kid and the job never get 100%. it seems that she always fusses the second i pick up the phone at work. We start day care in august and i look forward to it and dread it all at the same time. it will be so nice to be able to get work done while i'm at work, then come home and just be mom. but i so dread leaving her with strangers.
i so wish i could stay at home all the time - maybe work from home part time. but that's just not in the cards for us...so for now i am thankful that i can bring her with me to work.
Stop making me cry! ha! no really, I think you do an amazing job & Micah is an amazing little boy -- and will be an AMAZING child & grown man! Don't beat yourself up, I was seriously in awe last night as I watched you handle him. He has a lot of energy and I wonder if I will ever be as patient as you are!? I hope you have a better day today!
I understand your frustration - especially since I work with you and what is affecting you is also affecting me. When we delivered our children we signed up for one of the hardest jobs in the world. I don't know about you, but despite my daily frustrations - whether with job, baby, husband, house, etc. - being a mother, while challenging, is my absolute favorite job. :) Love you!
I love you and am praying for you! You're a wonderful mother, friend, and wife. I look to you for advice as I begin the mother journey!!
I found out when Amy was very small that I HAD to have some ME time. I didn't work and I felt frustrated like you and THEN tennis came into my life. I had a wonderful group of friends who didn't work either and we'd get together and play tennis. Most times we brought the kids to play with each other but often times I left Amy with Miss Frances.....she loved it and I loved it. It will get harder as Micah grows to take him with you to work and a baby sitter is just the trick. Micah will have the opportunity to play and see other children and you'll have time to cultivate new friendships and do a better job at work. Amy Dobbs seems to have found the perfect person to keep Paxton and maybe she would watch Micah a few days per week. Also there is the "drop in" service at the church from 9-12 for $12. The paid nursery workers are really a great group of ladies. I work with them when I keep the nursery and they truly LOVE those kids. Motherhood is NEVER easy...it is still difficult for me and Amy Spiva is 33 years old. No matter what their age....they are your baby and you would "take a bullet" for them. That's motherhood - that is the joy of my life - and that is the best job I've ever had. I love you. Melinda
I am heading out there tomorrow after class. So I'll be out there in the afternoon, I would love it if you stopped by so I could see Micah. Hope you are having a fabulous day!
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