3 Weeks of Baby Bliss...BAA...ha...ha...ha

 

Look at that sweet face. I mean peaceful, content, perfect? Ha, not so much. SelahBelle has been such a blessing to our family and she has done so well. I have gotten sleep and she has really been a great baby. We wont mention any names but I know some newborns who really gave us a run for our money. Fortunately I forgot those days shortly thereafter and they only recently came back as I am rocking SelahBelle during a crying jag. She has been great. BUT, newborns are not for the faint of heart. I ended up getting strep throat at the 10 day old mark and had a few other uncomfortable things going on in the girl department. Life got a little hard. Nevermind the two other little people watching too much television and trying to get my attention. Bottom line, being a Momma is not alllll bliss. Granted there have already been many moments where I am moved to happy tears by simply staring at our little miracle, or hearing my older two miracles love on me, each other or their new baby. But those moments sometimes get drowned out by the Unhappy tears and screams. (Sometimes those are SelahBelle's...other times they are mine!)

The point of all this banter is because recently I was reading something about how our "social media" tends to only show the "blissful" side of our lives. It does appear true that most of what we ...put out there...portrays the good in our lives. I mean who wants to share their failures, especially in sepia tone on instagram. But I have had a day and I just thought I'd share it. As usual, for therapy and also just to be sure (as if you didn't already know) that our family and I am no where near perfect. This post will serve as a reminder to myself when I go thinking I've got control of things.

This morning was my first official day of NO help at all. I have been managing things mostly on my own but thankfully someone has been helping in big and small ways for the last 3 weeks. Thank you Jesus. But today, I was on. my. own. There was no one to call if I needed help getting Micahbird and SayJ to school and I was also in charge of feeding these people! Ha. I get up and get a shower, feed the baby, put on makeup, feed the baby some more, feed Micah (ie, throw him some muffins and milk), fix my hair (toot toot:)), get dressed and then get ready to head out the door...ON TIME! When Micah realizes he can't find his shoes. Most of you might remember his sensory disorder and it also applies to shoes. If they don't feel just right, he can't take it. But we are on time, and I will not be slowed down. I order him to get other shoes on and get in the car. Now, it is his fault that he doesn't have his shoes because it is his responsibility to put them in the basket each day. SelahBelle starts screaming the moment I put her in her carseat and shockingly SadieJane obediently goes and buckles in the car!! The girls are all in and ready to go and Micah is supposed to be getting on shoes. I scream out the car window because he is ruining our "blissful" morning...to get in the car NOWWWW.  He goes to pieces. I finally give him the shoe choices left and like a pitiful puppy being harshly disciplined he climbs in the car. SadieJane then starts crying because "your words are sooo mean to my Bubba, Momma!" I continue in my pride to  get on to Bubba. We then go on to try to say our prayers, over SelahBelle's incessant screams. Micah insists I pray for Mick and SelahBelle, but he'd prefer not to pray for me. Nice. Real nice. I pray through gritted teeth then send them out the door with a smile at car pool. When I ask Micah for a kiss, he says "Gotta go Mom..." No kiss. Break. My. Heart. Into many pieces. Then I pull over to feed the one child who I at least know still needs me.

As I am nursing SelahBelle I am hit with the magnitude of my words and actions. My sin of inpatience and quick to anger came to mind and convicted me before the Lord. I confessed it all to Him but had a heavy burden on my heart to make things right with my 5 year old and my 3 year old. In light of recent events as well as my need to truly live out my faith for my kiddos I knew I needed to make things right as soon as possible. So I lugged my lump of love in to the preschool and headed to talk it out with Micah. He was nervous as to what my intentions were, but greeted me with love and forgiveness. Thankfully someone in our house keeps short accounts...even if that might not be a "lived out" example part. I apologized to feisty SadieJane too and thanked her for being her brother's defender. Then SelahBelle and I headed home. It was only 9:30....and there is still a whole day left of other failures and realness to share...but I'll leave that transparency for another day and go on and post my picture perfect instagram picture and move on.

SelahBelle Ruth's Birth Day

 

Well, we haven't had time to upload any pictures from the big ole camera but I have a few instagram ones, my newest quickest instaobsession and a supplement for my blog. Fewer words, less time, but memory captured quick like.

Just thought I'd blog about the whole Birth Day/week before I forget all about it. Well, everyone knows I've always wanted to experience childbirth and majorly regret not insisting my doctor letting me try to birth Micah...but now I can say I've experienced a very small slice of it. Scheduled C-section for Wednesday morning but starting Monday, contractions began to come on. By Tuesday night just about 5 hours before I needed to be at the hospital (and much needed sleep) they got so intense and 8 minutes apart that I got nervous. Never having been in labor, or even talked about what it was truly like kind of put me at a disadvantage:) So we get to the hospital and while I was in early labor my cervix was closed and locked. So I just had a little extra lounging time in a hospital room. Ugh. Felt so silly. But if I'd stayed home I'd probably have given birth in the car;) Actually I am pretty sure now that this body doesn't get how it works the natural way. So in a round about way it made me even more thankful for the big C.

I also had major anxiety about the csection but had decided to trust God to allow me to enjoy the birth of a child. With Micah and even worse with SayJ I was so nauseas I just struggled through the first few days of their lives. God was so gracious and He granted me a stress free and puke free 24 hours. I was actually able to conversate with those that came to visit and enjoy them. I couldn't believe it!! Neither could a few that had been there for all 3 births. Since I usually send them packing. SelahBelle was healthy at birth although a bit smaller than the other Harper babies. A tiny (to me) 7 pounds and 6 ounce bundle of joy. She is petite and long with long fingers and toes. She has had the best disposition and took to nursing well too. Just a testament to answered prayers and God's faithfulness when we remember He is the one we seek. No doubt, His will and purpose are perfect whether your baby latches on or not, but I am just giving my take on things. All of the health complications we were concerned about continue to be a nonissue. But will continue to check vigilantly just as we would with any child. The one drawback to sweet SelahBelle's birth was her bilirubin levels were of concern so we got to experience the awful tanning bed for babies. It was awful and I came close to loosing all composure. But thankfully one of my dear friends offered to come spend the night with me and help me stay sane. Mick had come home to stay with our big babies. It was awesome to see the hands and feet of Jesus through my friends and family this go round as I was ever aware of their prayers and actions. God just simply allowed me to see His control in all of this, whereas in the past births I couldn't relinquish control, even to Him, of my tiny miracles. But thankfully the more babies you have the more you learn and grow.

So far we've been home 3 days and while things are surely challenging I am so enjoying being a Momma to a newborn again. And while I feel pulled in 3 (ok, 5) different directions I am super aware of my continued need to be present with each baby and make more of an effort to do so. My healing is going well and I am praying that I can continue to trust Jesus to fight the battles of after birth emotions and that He indeed will win over satans silly attacks. For now I am taking in each moment and thanking Him from whom all blessings are flowing.

What a difference a 3rd Baby in Your Belly Makes...

 

Never say never.

I am that girl.

Why have a blog if you aren't gonna update it?

It stinks to go look at someones' blog and haven't posted in months...

 

So, I have been a pretty faithful blogger since Micahbird was 6 months old. But somehow this 3rd baby and the lessons learned along with it brought my blogging to a halt. No judgement on anyone elses' continuing blogging or lackthereof for whatever reason, this is just my long post of an excuse and a little update for the 3 people far away who are/were wondering.

Finding out we were having a 3rd baby, a miracle, really, rocked our worlds and brought much excitement. But a few weeks in I began to realize that I had begun to take for granted my time with my 2 out of the womb babies and knew that the time and room for them in the future...like 9 month future would be divided. So I consciously started making an effort to live in the moment and BE present with them, instead of thinking about how I would blog about a moment, etc. During this time we were also given the news that our sweet baby (who through the process I'm discussing we found out was a GIRL!) could possibly have some birth defects and/or complications. As a first with my pregnancies she was SMALL. We grow them large round here. I was faced with a lot of soul searching to do as well as a new relationship/dependence on Jesus. This pregnancy has been a continual relinquishing of control. Day by day, minute by minute. I have seen some ugly sin in my heart that I never knew possible, but I've received grace and mercy that up until this time I couldn't even comprehend was available. To put any of this into words, especially in blog terms just wouldn't come out. My usual "safe place", my sounding board and therapeutic means no longer served the purposed God intended it for; He alone insisted on being my true safe place. While baby girl, SelahBelle has improved in medical terms, as far as the doctor's are concerned when she gets here she might be small but the other worries that they had original, were unfounded at this point. We all know that we don't know all about our babies health until well after they were born and God has used this situation to remind me that regardless of sweet SelahBelle's "condition" she will be just who He designed to entrust to Mick, Micah, SadieJane and I. That whether she be a whopping healthy 10 pounder or a tiny newborn with health challenges I will love her how He wants me to and I will learn and grow in all the ways God wants me to...just as I have these past 9 months. What else has happened these months of hiatus you ask? Too much to document at this time. But we are a family who have recognized that we are not in control of ANY of our circumstance but we serve and worship the One who is...so we will be just fine. In fact we will be thankful.

 

Here's to hoping I somehow find time to document a little about our sweet new addition in the weeks to come...Lord willing and the creek don't rise she will be here this coming week!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Punkin' Patch

 

We have had a looong softball season. Winning does that. So while we had great plans to go apple pickin' it hasn't happened yet, and I was getting pretty antsy that we would have no fall pictures to show for this year. So, I compromised. I told Mick to please just take us somewhere close after church today  and I'd get pictures that would look like we were at a big ole farm. Good enough. My babies are there, and there is a picture of the 4 of us. Yippee skippee!

Proud Panther Momma Here

 

I would like to document that I believe this was our first "season" of either sport that I indeed did NOT have a midseason breakdown. I think there was just not enough time for it. I am currently working on my post season breakdown, because I'd hate to have a season without one. Haha. This year seriously has been such a blessing. Perhaps it is because we found out about our "blessing" during this season but the team really had something special this year. We still had quite a bit of girl drama as well as of course Mama Drama from parents BUT, none of that could overshadow the fact that we had an amazing group of girls, with great character who took us far as a team. From the very beginning we have gone about coaching as a family "team" effort. Especially softball, my heart is all in as much as Mick's is, if not more at times. I was reflecting on the season yesterday and just thinking how thankful I was that these girls continually loved on my kiddos and their parents too, often grabbed a chair, a bag, or a kid! They may have talked about us behind our backs (in fact, I'm sure of it:)) but they were so kind to us on and off the field. I am so thankful that we receive a blessing from attempting to be a blessing to others. Micah officially became the manager/coach/dugout rat. He spent as much time as possible in the dugout, on a bucket with his Daddy. I loved that Micah didn't miss near as much Daddy time as he had in the past. I also was thankful that the girls were super aware that he was there and made sure they didn't cuss by saying "butt or stupid". I am not so sure I can expect the same from the baseball team. The girls finished 5th in the state and got to compete in the Elite Eight tournament in Columbus. It was an honor and a first for almost everyone on the team. This year there were no real superstars as everyone contributed each game to put together a win. The girls that worked hard actually succeeded which is just a beautiful thing to see. Often times, it just isn't the case. I will miss this group of seniors as well as they have really been apart of me getting back in the groove of being a mom to my two and to the team. We will see how baby #3 affects things, but I hope that the Lord will continue to multiply my time, patience and arm radius so that I can both parent and minister to some really cool high schoolers.

We put the family in the JDAY Family Fun Run

 

This year we all had been anxiously awaiting the JDay Family Fun Run. We knew that our whole family could compete this year and we were pumped! Mick and I ran the 5K. Hayden and Jenny ran the 1 mile. Micah ran the .25 mile and SadieJane ran the 50 Yard Dash. We all represented well. But it was SayJ and Mick who brought home the medals:) SadieJane got 2nd place after a photo finish, because she was looking back to watch the girl pass her and win!! But we were proud for sure!! Then, Micah had a little trouble with "distance running" since he ran the 50 yard last year, he ran out of steam and almost gave up. But, after some encouragment from Mick he finished and we were glad. Jenny and Haydee towed their line in the 1 mile. Mick, who was supposed to run WITH his pregnant wife, left me shortly after the start line. Mick can not lose and when he saw there were other men he knew competing he quickly left me in the dust. He won first place and that is all that matters?!?!?!? I finished a frustrated wife, but ran the whole way and was proud to do it while carrying precious cargo. I am already planning on training for next year and leaving mick in the dust!! I guess the whole me not being competitive thing is really going out the window! What a great family day we had though!!

Thanks for the Win's Chippy!!

 

We had the opportunity to go to Chipper's last homestand with some tickets from Mick's managers family, Payton. Payton got to make the trip with us and we had a blast. Nevermind we were in the very top row or that the kiddos were exhausted. We had a great time!! Chippy didn't fair to well the night we were there but it was neat getting to see him take the field and the excitement that went along with it. The kiddos will be able to say they saw the great Chipper Jones play and Micah actually has always thought he is great. Who knows, he will probably wont to name his first child Chipper Ten Harper. But I've heard of crazier ideas.