Sunday, March 24, 2013

What a difference a 3rd Baby in Your Belly Makes...

Never say never.
I am that girl.
Why have a blog if you aren't gonna update it?
It stinks to go look at someones' blog and haven't posted in months...
So, I have been a pretty faithful blogger since Micahbird was 6 months old. But somehow this 3rd baby and the lessons learned along with it brought my blogging to a halt. No judgement on anyone elses' continuing blogging or lackthereof for whatever reason, this is just my long post of an excuse and a little update for the 3 people far away who are/were wondering.
Finding out we were having a 3rd baby, a miracle, really, rocked our worlds and brought much excitement. But a few weeks in I began to realize that I had begun to take for granted my time with my 2 out of the womb babies and knew that the time and room for them in the 9 month future would be divided. So I consciously started making an effort to live in the moment and BE present with them, instead of thinking about how I would blog about a moment, etc. During this time we were also given the news that our sweet baby (who through the process I'm discussing we found out was a GIRL!) could possibly have some birth defects and/or complications. As a first with my pregnancies she was SMALL. We grow them large round here. I was faced with a lot of soul searching to do as well as a new relationship/dependence on Jesus. This pregnancy has been a continual relinquishing of control. Day by day, minute by minute. I have seen some ugly sin in my heart that I never knew possible, but I've received grace and mercy that up until this time I couldn't even comprehend was available. To put any of this into words, especially in blog terms just wouldn't come out. My usual "safe place", my sounding board and therapeutic means no longer served the purposed God intended it for; He alone insisted on being my true safe place. While baby girl, SelahBelle has improved in medical terms, as far as the doctor's are concerned when she gets here she might be small but the other worries that they had original, were unfounded at this point. We all know that we don't know all about our babies health until well after they were born and God has used this situation to remind me that regardless of sweet SelahBelle's "condition" she will be just who He designed to entrust to Mick, Micah, SadieJane and I. That whether she be a whopping healthy 10 pounder or a tiny newborn with health challenges I will love her how He wants me to and I will learn and grow in all the ways God wants me to...just as I have these past 9 months. What else has happened these months of hiatus you ask? Too much to document at this time. But we are a family who have recognized that we are not in control of ANY of our circumstance but we serve and worship the One who we will be just fine. In fact we will be thankful.
Here's to hoping I somehow find time to document a little about our sweet new addition in the weeks to come...Lord willing and the creek don't rise she will be here this coming week!!