Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Hoe Your Row

Hoe your row. That's what I keep hearing in my head lotsa ottsa days. No, not slow your roll. Although I probably hear that every now and then too. But hoe your row, Steph.
I did wonder where this idea is coming from so I googled it to be sure I wasn't just about to plagerize something I just read as my own because my brain tricks me like that. But the only reference is a Kasey Musgrave song. Which I will be listening to after I finish this post, but I am just gonna go out on a limb that that's not where I got it;) I do think she gets a lot of things right outside of a biblical worldview but I'm guessing I'm gonna tweak her message just a wee bit. Not hating on her at all. Just loving myself and a whole lotta Jesus more.
Over the last two years I've spent a great deal of time staring at, dreaming about, coveting other peoples' rows. God has been doing far more in me over the last two years as we invest in saying YES to Him in whatever capacity He demands. Taking care of 5 children, 2 of whom that I did not birth not have any say in their issues that I would be required to parent them through. 3 of whom I birthed of my own womb and yet still am required to also parent them through to becoming people that  teacher's, coach's and bosses don't hate. Nevermind the looming pressure to grow them up to obey Jesus and one day claim Him for themselves and live lives worthy of the gospel. The real deal gospel. Not the fake crap churches are pushing on the regular. Harsh, maybe, but I ate up the fake stuff for far too long, and it did NOT serve me well in the trenches. There is so much more to say about this but I'll save it because it does start to push my row over into your row and nobody likes crooked rows. My row is set to have some changes up ahead, down the row, where I can see it, but it's not where I need to be hoeing right now. Hoe your row, Steph. You can't jump ahead and hoe up there before you hoe back here. Got it. Get it?
We've all been given these rows. Places where Jesus has planted what He wants for us. We just gotta get our noses to it. I don't garden often. We don't live on a farm. I'm not amish. I am not even in the garden club. I am not really sure why this is the analogy that Jesus has used with me to get me but it really has me thinking. I guess that is His point. But as I've struggled over the row I'm on I've taken to looking at other peoples rows. Naturally taking me off task and off the subject. My row is being a momma to some people that really need me right now. Today. That's my row. I need to hoe it. But I can't hoe it with my hoe waving over my shoulder while I wish after others seemingly easier rows. I have no idea what their nose is down there looking at or what God has ahead of them in their hoeing. (Let me acknowledge my incorrect usage of verbing the words hoe and row.) But my row is right where He wants me. Your row, if you've sought Him for it and about it is right where He wants you. It's really none of my concern. Unless you get stuck in weeds, need a watering can or feel faint. Then you are gonna need help hoeing and if Jesus wants me there I'll be your girl. But right quick I'll be headed back to my row because I'm confident that's His place for me. I've been reading and praying and thinking a lot how the body of Christ is getting pretty cool when it comes to women and finally lifting each other up and not breaking each other down. My one downfall (or the one I'm gonna mention in this sentence) is comparison. It just helps that God has given us verses like Jeremiah 29:11 that let us know He knows the plans He has for us. When He prospers and protects us it might not feel so if we aren't hoeing our row. Peace is found in the process. In the working it out for Jesus on the daily. If we all commit to hoeing our own row. AKA getting in with Jesus and His work and finding which row He wants you to hoe and then just hoeing it in His strength with all your might. Then we might just get IT done. Everything might fall into place. Messy, weird, not cookie cutter place. But oh I just think it could be big.
Another problem I have (in this sentence) is worrying about what people see when they see me hoeing my row. What they think about my row. If they think it's pretty? If they can tell I worked real hard? If they can tell when I didn't work so hard? If they think I'm in the wrong row. What if God takes something out of my row and plants it in someone elses? Oh dear Lord, that will be too hard.  You see where I'm going with this?? Anyways, before I take a poll from anyone reading about how you think I'm doing at life let me just say this should NOT be. If we focus on hoeing our row and encourage our friends to do the same we would just be covering some ground for Jesus, ya know? God demands that we work heartily for Him, not for men/friends/haters. So, Hoe YOUR row, Steph. Just do it.
Lovely, I finished with an old saying/country song and then a Nike slogan. Yeah this is gonna take a while. 

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Been a minute...

since I've made a post...made my blog public...or even written for therapy. But things they are a changin'. So, why not jump start all the changes with putting myself and my thoughts back out there? Well, I could give you a list of why nots, but I'm choosing to find areas where I can be with Jesus, share Jesus and also share the things Jesus has taught me in the last two years. This would be the natural spot for that. I have contemplated starting a totally new blog because boy am I not the same girl that blogged about cute firsts and birth stories...and some of the surface stuff I posted is no doubt embarrassing. But, it actually is who I am or has been apart of my journey so I dare you to get lost in my mindnumbing scrapbook of finding my children awesome. Kidding. Please don't.
We are a few weeks in the the new year and I had planned on starting to blog January 1st. But isn't that just me that I arrive 24 minutes, I mean 24 days late.
God has done so much with The Harper 7 above and I can't even begin today to put it all into words. I am going to start at the ending that is coming near and then work my way back in the next few posts. Because that is how I work, backwards. We found out at our most recent court visit that we will be transitioning our sweet blondes, my niece and nephew back to their mom over the next few months. Ending in May when they will (barring any crazy changes) be put back into my sister's custody. This is a hard and crazy ride we have been on with Jesus and I have FINALLY decided to just wait on Him for the end of this story. So after 2 years with our family they will gradually visit with their Mom until the last day of school, where they will move back in with her. This is where my emotions start working too hard and my rational self takes a back seat so I am just going to say that while I have peace that God knows how this is all going to work and that I will hopefully finish this part of the race with at least some of my sanity I do have lots of trouble with circumstances and logistics. BUT, He does keep working those things out so I will continue to wait. I have trouble verbalizing these things that seem so final and hard so that is another reason I hope that blogging will get me to a place where I can type and then hopefully talk in a way that brings God glory and doesn't revolve around self pity and worry. A wise friend told me at the hearing of this decision that I shouldn't be afraid to grieve deeply, because loving deeply would then require the grieving deeply. So you've been warned. I might not want to read any of my deep grievin;)
If you are reading this then that means you are either super nosy (I mean you like to read blogs) or you love me. Either way I hope that you will be blessed by Jesus and His work in a very dysfunctional family and the way that He compels me to share the real in the reality of following God where He wants you to be when it isn't/wasn't the cookie cutter blog I had planned.