it just so happened...

God is sovereign. There was a speaker at a conference I went to that anytime she would be talking about something that "just so happened" she would then say "God is sovereign" because nothing happens by coincidence. I had a few things happen yesterday that I thought I would share. God saw it fitting to speak directly to me yesterday so I feel compelled to share it with others.

I haven't talked about my sister in a long time because I have tried to avoid depressing matters and because she has shut me out of her life. Long story as always with her but basically she isn't getting treatment, that I know of...and she isn't speaking to me, for the exact reason I am not sure. Since the time that she shut me out she has told other people things like, I refused to help her, or that I set her up. Neither of which are true. But, I have turned it over to the Lord and refused to enable her or reward her for her choices. Sometimes I feel good about this decision, but more often I feel worried or guilty that I am doing the wrong thing...

Yesterday Mick and I offered to pay for food for a Meth Task Force meeting for our friend, the sgt...that has helped our family in SO many ways. We wanted to say thank you somehow as well as help with a cause we feel is so worthy. So I also delivered the food, but couldn't stay because I was having people over...I also felt very emotional even standing in a room with recovered addicts and others knowing my sister wasn't in that room and wasn't at the place that these people were.

So I dropped the food off and tried to leave before I burst into tears...but then this guy walked in who looked familiar. Then I noticed he had a star tatoo on each arm just like my sister has on her legs...I had never seen them before...I walked up to the sgt to see if they were gang symbols, etc. Again I am no detective and they were actually meaningless as far as a corelation between him and my sister...but it was like God said...go talk to him. I wouldn't have approached him but for my strong curiosity about the tattoos. After I approached him he immediately told me his story and answered my questions. And I know this will sound weird but when I looked into his eyes it wasn't like I was talking to him personally. It was truly a message for me from the Lord (I believe). Take it for what it is worth, its my story to tell:)

Then he said let me tell you two things and this is what he said:
1) Nobody could have done anything to get me clean unless I wanted to...unless your sister wants it, you can't make her get clean.
and then the thing that so hit home,
2) Protect yourself. Protect your family. And protect yourself from getting hurt by her. He went on to say that addiction is a sickness like cancer, but there is no cure, only treatment. That he was sick and his parents kept him sick for a long time, by giving him 20 bucks, a car, or any kind of help. He said you need to take it all away and protect yourself.

Wow, it was exactly what I needed to hear, and only God knew of the struggle I daily have with feeling like what I am doing can't be right. But he used a recovered addict, someone who has been there, to speak truth to me. He went on with some other things...all in about 5 minutes. After he started talking about protecting yourself I apologized for crying, thanked him and ran to my car to weep. What an amazing gift that God didn't have to give me. But I am so thankful He saw fit to minister to me in that way. It mirrors His love on the cross and while we didn't deserve it He saved us. He does that over and over again in our lives but so often I don't slow down to see it. Thank you Jesus.