From My Front Porch Looking...Out...

For those of you that aren't country fans I found myself singing that song today as I watched Micah bird enjoy our Heavenly Father's creation. I long for the day when Micah will understand who made the leaves and trees and grass he was so enjoying. I was sitting on the door steps watching him pick up leaves from our beautiful (and only) tree. He was in awe of the way that the wind blew the leaves and loved trying to chase them. He would pick them up and inspect them...and then bring them to me. I played and watched for a while but eventually HAD to go get my camera. I tried to resist the urge and just be in the moment but I did that and there was still time for pictures:)

I got Micah to lay down in the grass with me so that we could get a picture of us...he thought this was hilarious. So he would walk around for a little bit then all of a sudden he would sit down and then fall back...wait for me to come do the same...then wait for me to take a picture. So much fun. What has not been fun is his incredibly crazy mood swings. I don't know what is going on with him. One minute he loves life and then the next his truck wont go the right direction and he is throwing a full blown tantrum. I think it is either teething, time change, ear infection(please Lord, no), being a boy, or his 18 month birthday is almost here. Who knows...I am typing this so that when and if the next one comes along it will just be par for the course.

All this aside I am just so grateful for what God has given me...no matter what the circumstance. God has been teaching me so much about who HE is and who I am not. Through the situation with my sister, family, etc. I have had constant need for connection with my Jesus and that has served me well. The big truth that I thought I had already learned, (several times) is that He is a sovereign God and worthy of all my praise. Even now I don't understand how He could work all things out, but I have learned it isn't about me understanding that at all. It is about me understanding Him and through that trusting what lies ahead. As I sit and look at the things going on around me personally (friends loosing babies, drugs tearing down families, infertility everywhere I turn, sick precious infants, troubled teenagers) I could easily wallow in the sadness. But oh no that isn't the God we serve. He has something much bigger in each of these circumstances. He is so much bigger than any of them. I know this through both His word and the testimony of what He has done around me personally.(2 babies after 14 years of trying, so many healed and restored after addiction is beaten, beautiful families everywhere/no matter their size or number). I talked about Micah's moodiness earlier and to me there are so many parallel's to the way that God looks at us. I know He often looks at my moodiness and running around getting all flustered over something that God knows is just circumstance...How amazing is it that God uses everything He has entrusted to us to teach us something new about Him.

Through this season of my life I have often been overwhelmed with sadness and despair but God is teaching me that while it is ok to be sad He has a plan, seriously, He does. And now I don't just tell myself that, but I believe it.