Today has been another one of those hard, difficult, what in the world days. I am so dissappointed in myself and my lack of patience and my emotional status. Today is the start of tryouts for baseball and the beginning of single parenting two children. I'm not knocking Mick. We are thankful that he provides for us while getting to do something he loves. And we are increasingly enjoying his coaching because of Micah's involvement. BUT that doesn't change the fact that 14-18 year old boys get to see our Daddy more than we do for this season. Boo hiss. I usually have a breakdown about mid way through the season. Instead I apparently am starting preseason now that we have two babies. I have been working for almost a month now just a measley ten hours a week, but it is growing to be an increasingly difficult thing to do. Well, not neccesarily the work itself, but the juggling act of constantly feeling guilty about neglecting child, job or husband. I rarely get to talk to Sadie Jane and Micah prefers the television over me alot of the time. Yuck! Today he wanted me to play with him and I had just finished feeding SayJ and then I needed to send emails and poor boy just lost it. So did I. He said his usual "why you so upset?" which I usually answer with "because you are not obeying your parents" ...but I wasn't upset with him and how do you explain to a two year old things like balance and guilt? So I tried to explain it and he just kept asking me. When we got in the car to go to work he asked me again and I finally just said "Momma doesn't want to work." Which apparently made perfect sense finally because instead of repeating the question, he says "ohhhhh, ok." Not another word about it since. Anyways, I am not sure the purpose of this post unless to relieve myself of some guilt. They are actually both asleep now and I have finished my work...wouldn't you know...but I am not about to go wake anyone up to play now! Oh yeah, the pictures are from today when I let Micah go outside and jump. He wouldn't wear a jacket so I let him pick a tabogan and he picked mine. Then I had on sunglasses so he needed those too. So you see now why I wish I could just play with my babies all day and not worry about other things. I am sure most of you wish this too. I know some of you get to so be thankful! And I'll be thankful that I don't have to completely leave mine. I know I am blessed beyond belief I am just having a pity party day. I'll be fine tomorrow. I hope.
Today has been another one of those hard, difficult, what in the world days. I am so dissappointed in myself and my lack of patience and my emotional status. Today is the start of tryouts for baseball and the beginning of single parenting two children. I'm not knocking Mick. We are thankful that he provides for us while getting to do something he loves. And we are increasingly enjoying his coaching because of Micah's involvement. BUT that doesn't change the fact that 14-18 year old boys get to see our Daddy more than we do for this season. Boo hiss. I usually have a breakdown about mid way through the season. Instead I apparently am starting preseason now that we have two babies. I have been working for almost a month now just a measley ten hours a week, but it is growing to be an increasingly difficult thing to do. Well, not neccesarily the work itself, but the juggling act of constantly feeling guilty about neglecting child, job or husband. I rarely get to talk to Sadie Jane and Micah prefers the television over me alot of the time. Yuck! Today he wanted me to play with him and I had just finished feeding SayJ and then I needed to send emails and poor boy just lost it. So did I. He said his usual "why you so upset?" which I usually answer with "because you are not obeying your parents" ...but I wasn't upset with him and how do you explain to a two year old things like balance and guilt? So I tried to explain it and he just kept asking me. When we got in the car to go to work he asked me again and I finally just said "Momma doesn't want to work." Which apparently made perfect sense finally because instead of repeating the question, he says "ohhhhh, ok." Not another word about it since. Anyways, I am not sure the purpose of this post unless to relieve myself of some guilt. They are actually both asleep now and I have finished my work...wouldn't you know...but I am not about to go wake anyone up to play now! Oh yeah, the pictures are from today when I let Micah go outside and jump. He wouldn't wear a jacket so I let him pick a tabogan and he picked mine. Then I had on sunglasses so he needed those too. So you see now why I wish I could just play with my babies all day and not worry about other things. I am sure most of you wish this too. I know some of you get to so be thankful! And I'll be thankful that I don't have to completely leave mine. I know I am blessed beyond belief I am just having a pity party day. I'll be fine tomorrow. I hope.
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