mixed emotions.

My mom wont like this two posts with no pictures but I need a place to work out what's in my head...and like it or not the blog is where I do it. This pregnancy has been marked with mixed emotions throughout. Excitement and anxiety all at once. It seems that every decision made has some things that make me excited and some other things that make me anxious. I have mentioned that I am excited to have a new baby and a girl at that...but I am also worried about Micah bird and how he'll adjust and how I will possibly handle two children. Shouldn't I have taken a test? The big thing coming up that I am super anxious about is Micah starting school. Just two days a week for a total of 6 hours but I am having major trouble with it. I know, I know what you are thinking...my mom has already said it:) It will be good for Micah and we met his teacher and feel that she will be a GREAT fit for him. But, I have all but begged Mick to let me pull him. I just don't feel a peace about it, but maybe I'm not supposed to. With the new baby coming I don't want Micah to think we shipped him out after two years of constant mommattention or that he is being replaced. I already love Sadie Jane so much and I am not worried about splitting my love I feel like there is plenty of room for more of that... but I don't want to give him a complex. I also know that Micah is super aggressive and active and while there will be good things (sharing, obeying, playing, friendships) there is also the fear that too much of that at a young age could cause him to resist learning because it involves a classroom created or geared more towards girls.(says Dr. Dobson) And I am pretty sold on homeschooling (yep, we'll be strange:)) but this year is just an awkward year with a new baby coming so Mick felt it would be good to have Micah interact socially and give me a break so that I can still work, with only one baby on the hip instead of two. But I know that my sole responsibility is discipling Micah and Sadie Jane to know Jesus and while I welcome help from anyone I want to make sure I'm still doing that. So I'll drop him off reluctantly on Tuesday and while the other kids will be clinging to their momma's I'll be holding Micah's hand too tight as he runs for the door because he is so excited about SCHOOL! Ok, so I think I've worked it out. This school thing might not be what Micah needs but it definitely seems to be what I need. Reading over my hypersensitivity I know that Mick is being the leader and doing what is best for our whole family. So I'll submit and prayerfully learn alot along the way. Please pray for me in the coming days, because what seems to some a really small issue is continuing to draw out tons of emotions...whether reasonable or not...and that we would do what God would have us do and that we would make the best decision possible each step of the way.