for the record books

Ok, I am not looking for pity or trying to whine I just needed to record a day like today to get it out of the way. I can look back and read about some great days that Micah and I have had as mother and son and get all sentimental. This will not be one of those posts. Beware of reading if you are having a really good day...it could bring you down and that isn't my intentions.

This morning started off great - I got a shower and got fully dressed before Micah woke up. He had seen a lot of television recently but I wanted to spend the morning playing since I wasn't working or sick. We cooked eggs, Micah ate, we got out the play-doh, Micah played, we typed a note for Mick on the computer and I was feeling all proud of my sweet boy. Then we went back downstairs to get dressed. There was a piece of dried up cheese on the den table - I know, gross- but this is important- Micah picked it up and I told him to put it in the trash or back on the table. He threw it on the floor. I asked him to pick it up (you all can see where this is going if you remember our newspaper on the floor issue)...Micah refused. I asked again and then immediately sent him to timeout no use in negotiating there. I had learned what I thought was my lesson with the newspapers. He sat in timeout for a while then I asked him to come pick it up. Nope. Not happening. I leave him a few more minutes and then go in to tell him he will be picking the cheese up. He responds by throwing a full blown tantrum (to understand those three words you would actually have to see it go down - praise Jesus that you didnt) I tell him to sit in timeout and get it together...he begins to hit and kick me. Spanking. And again with more of the same. Right back atcha kid. I then leave him in timeout because we have both lost it at this point. I sit down to pray and call my mom to try to calm down. She offers to come rescue him but that isn't an option. If I let him win today our floor will be covered with cheese - figuratively anyways. I think about how Mick would handle him and how the cheese would already be in the trash now and I start to get upset. I go in to check on Micah and he is rolling around and having far too much fun in time out. No book covers what to do when you have exhausted all options. So I improvise. I go back to the restraint hold timeout because I figure timeout isn't feeling painful enough. That is dangerous for both me and Sadie Jane but what else could I do? I know, you all have answers...but I had none at the moment. As Micah is flailing about I feel the sudden rush of failure over me and I start to sob (part pregnancy emotions, part momma failure mode and quite honestly small part could this work mode) Micah stops flailing takes one look at me and wraps his arms around my neck. He starts patting my back saying "It's ok, Mommy, It's ok." He then stands up looking at me like I have four heads and says..."I go pick up cheese, it's ok". I wonder to myself how many times the sob approach would work for obedience and what good ol' Dr. Dobson would say about my teachable moment. Then back to battle. Micah does pick up the cheese put it in a napkin and then dries my tears...with the same napkin.

Friday is mall day and I was determined that we still go. I needed to escape lest I do something or say something (else) regrettable. Micah doesn't want to go...too bad. So I load him in the car kicking and screaming and head to the mall for my sanity. We get there and I have the nerve to park at a different entrance..."this isn't MY mall!" he screams over and over. I sit in the front seat praying and thinking we should probably head home but my mom, Mick and Taron were all meeting us so I figure a diversion would be nice for the both of us. Micah wont talk to Jenny when she arrives and then Mick gets there to be greeted with a shove. He takes Micah for a talk in the bathroom and they come back to the table like a he flipped a switch. While I am thankful for the help and peace I can't help but wonder...HOW DID HE DO THAT? and why can't I??? Mick takes Micah off for a few minutes only to call me and let me know Micah has had a blow out in Build-a-Bear all the way to the floor and shoe. Nice. I go to get his spare shorts but Hayden had an accident yesterday so those are gone and all I have left of pullups are Princess ones of Charlee Ray's. Sad. So I put Micah in Belle and we head out into the mall with a polo and nothing else. Hey, it's Dville. We only see 3 more people that we know. My mom and Mick have hit the road at this point to get away from me or Micah or both as his attitude has worn my attitude down a bit. Taron and I walk around a little while and then we hit the road. Micah wants a bag of chips on the way home because he says they make him feel better. He is down for his nap now and I am about to attempt the same. I don't pretend that we know actual hardship or suffering in our little bubble of a world but in my eyes it is all I know for today. I am terribly thankfulf for what I have and for my family its just a day and it'll be over soon. And, like I tell Micah when I am at my end..."God's mercies are new every morning, so are mine" But I wont lie and say that it isn't sheer exhaustion to constantly discipline and analyze the discipline after the fact. Like usual my mouth runneth over...when it probably shouldn't but that's who I am, again:)