I feel compelled to write this post and I am not completely sure why. Over the course of the last few weeks I have had numerous people question why I would do what I am doing for my sister. I have had them question my safety and my families safety. Not out of sheer judgement but out of concern for me. Above all else I have questioned my own actions and been just as critical or more than those around me. I have been racked with guilt about leaving my own child to go on a goose chase after my sister. I have been told more times than not to let go and let someone else do it...but I just couldn't.
So I feel compelled to tell you why...maybe you don't care...or maybe you wont understand. And that is ok, but I need to tell you anyway. I love Jesus more than anything. I think about what He did for me and I want to mirror that to my sister. Jesus didn't always take the safest route, he didn't hang with the least dangerous people and we are to imitate Him. I don't say this to give myself liscense to go clear every drug house in the county, now that would be reckless. But everything I have done has been bathed in prayer and questioned a thousand times. As I have had to take each action and get closer and closer to the situation and also sometimes closer and closer to satan himself; I have felt the Lord's presence and support. I think often of the story of Hosea and Gomer. (Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is my favorite book) Hosea chased after a prostitute because that was God's call for his life. I am still a fallen human being and I have made hasty decisions, I have tried to take control, I have said things that were not Godly. But I have done it all in an effort to save that one sheep that has gone astray. Or even more I have learned that I on my own, can not save my sister, but if I let go and let God use me, He will be faithful to do so. I worry about Micah and what reprecussions this situation will have on him. I know that as his momma I am called to put him first. I would be devastated to have done anything less. And when I think about telling him about something horrible happening to his Aunt because I was to "worried" to go help her I can't do it. So, I work hard, I pray hard and I do the best I know how with God's help. I pray that I am teaching Micah how to follow Christ and how to support his future siblings. I try not to be foolish and I pray others don't jump to conclusions too fast; I know I wont now. I pray also that I would not wallow in self doubt when I know full well God has called me to a mission and I hope to one day use it to teach Micah, not harm him. This may or may not make sense to you but it is something I need to release and hope that it communicates what I am trying to communicate:
Seven Answered Prayers
Blessed beyond measure. Loved beyond words. That's the love of Jesus. This blog exists to glorify Him through sharing our families joys and sorrows.
3 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing your heart Stephanie! It is so refreshing and convicting! I love, love, love Redeeming Love! Such an amazing story...Atonement Child is also really good by her!
Hope to see you soon! Much love!
I was thinking the other day, before I read this post, that your sister is so lucky to have you because so many people don't have someone to come after them, to love them unconditionally, to show them Christ no matter how hard it may be, to show them that they are worth the trouble.
I didn't know what all you were doing, and I still don't. But you're smart, and I know you would never really put yourself or your family in real physically harm, though I'm sure it's taking an emotional toll. But I think you're right, you are setting a good example for Micah (and your sister's boys).
I was reading on another blog about the author who was spending time away from her family to help a friend who was an alcoholic drinking himself to near death. When her husband said, "your family needs you here"...she responded that she is doing this for her three kids - what would it say to them if she didn't do everything she could to help?
I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through, but I pray that your sister will eventually be overcome with your love and the love of Christ and to see (again) what life can be without addiction.
I love you, and I think you are amazing. Be bold, but be careful.
Babe,
I we talk and make decisions, you know that the choices you have made are the correct ones. I am assured that you are following the will God has placed for you in your heart because you/we/others have prayed for discernmnet and guideance and I feel He has given that to you. I continue to be proud of you and WE will continue to fight this battle until God leads us in another direction or until the battle is WON. You are the best and again, thank you for using this blog as an avenue to teach and preach the love of Christ to others. You are a great example for others and you have chosen a great path for them to follow because you are heading towards Christ!
ILOVEU!
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