hiding out...

So we have been hiding out for the last few days.I appreciate all the concern and the checking on us. I shut our blog down for a few reasons...

~Mainly because my sister bonded out of jail and I wasn't sure where she was going and who she might show our blog to. She is at a safe place right now and I feel comfortable with what she is doing...should this change we will close again so keep checking if that happens and by all means pray real hard.

~Also because I felt like I had been a little depressing and couldn't really write much about normal life at that point.

~Lastly just because I needed to stop myself from writing for a few days and use that time wisely elsewhere...like praying and reading scripture. (Not that I am going to stop doing that, but I was avoiding that time and using the blog to keep myself busy, not good)

So, we are back and things are ok. They aren't good or bad but ok is a starting point. My sister is headed in the right decision and I am thankful that at this point I can still stand beside her in her recovery process. It is a long road ahead, but we have come so far just in the last month! So continue to pray and I will try to be more upbeat from now on. God is good and He has a plan.

why?

I feel compelled to write this post and I am not completely sure why. Over the course of the last few weeks I have had numerous people question why I would do what I am doing for my sister. I have had them question my safety and my families safety. Not out of sheer judgement but out of concern for me. Above all else I have questioned my own actions and been just as critical or more than those around me. I have been racked with guilt about leaving my own child to go on a goose chase after my sister. I have been told more times than not to let go and let someone else do it...but I just couldn't.
So I feel compelled to tell you why...maybe you don't care...or maybe you wont understand. And that is ok, but I need to tell you anyway. I love Jesus more than anything. I think about what He did for me and I want to mirror that to my sister. Jesus didn't always take the safest route, he didn't hang with the least dangerous people and we are to imitate Him. I don't say this to give myself liscense to go clear every drug house in the county, now that would be reckless. But everything I have done has been bathed in prayer and questioned a thousand times. As I have had to take each action and get closer and closer to the situation and also sometimes closer and closer to satan himself; I have felt the Lord's presence and support. I think often of the story of Hosea and Gomer. (Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is my favorite book) Hosea chased after a prostitute because that was God's call for his life. I am still a fallen human being and I have made hasty decisions, I have tried to take control, I have said things that were not Godly. But I have done it all in an effort to save that one sheep that has gone astray. Or even more I have learned that I on my own, can not save my sister, but if I let go and let God use me, He will be faithful to do so. I worry about Micah and what reprecussions this situation will have on him. I know that as his momma I am called to put him first. I would be devastated to have done anything less. And when I think about telling him about something horrible happening to his Aunt because I was to "worried" to go help her I can't do it. So, I work hard, I pray hard and I do the best I know how with God's help. I pray that I am teaching Micah how to follow Christ and how to support his future siblings. I try not to be foolish and I pray others don't jump to conclusions too fast; I know I wont now. I pray also that I would not wallow in self doubt when I know full well God has called me to a mission and I hope to one day use it to teach Micah, not harm him. This may or may not make sense to you but it is something I need to release and hope that it communicates what I am trying to communicate:

why it's all worth it...

The bird makes it all worth it around here. He is a constant reminder of God's provision. While he comes with his own set of challenges he continues to be a joy in light of my present circumstance.

Yesterday he tee teed in the potty! He had taken an interest to it yesterday when I took his diaper off so I though why not just sit him on it for kicks? So I did probably 5 times yesterday whenever he wanted me to. He would go in and lift up his shirt. Well nothing came out but he enjoyed getting to sit on the pot naked seeing his favorite body part. When Mick got home he wanted to show him so he sat right down and tee tee he did! Now I am sure it is a fluke and we will spend ears later trying to actually potty train but for now that is a small victory!

Ready to write...not sure it will make sense...

Thank you so much to everyone who is praying for me and my family. Please continue our battle has only just begun and I am not even sure where we are going from here. For those that don't read my other blog, my sister is in jail. After a failed attempt at taking her to rehab this past week she then found out there were warrants for her arrest. She is now in jail and those details and issues are too complicated to even explain. If you want info feel free to email me. I will just say that meth is satan's vehicle of choice and if you know anyone who is on it do everything you can to get them off of it as quickly as you can.

I decided I didn't want this post to be about my sister. I care for her, love her and am continuing to fight for her. BUT this week has also had another focus..and that is God's provision. That is what I am seeing more clearly now. There were so many people praying and helping that I couldn't have made it through without God giving them the ability to mirror Christ to me. I am so thankful for that.I couldn't possibly list all of the things that people did to help out, but I wanted to share a few here. Again, I am no fool and I know that this week is just a glimpse of the next few years of our lives but I must choose my perspective at this point and at this point I am choosing to focus on God and what He has done, not on what satan is trying to do.

I posted a few pictures of people who God has used this week...

1) The first picture is a high school student, she is actually in Mick's class. We know her through a few different connections and have always just really liked her. Micah especially likes her; she works at Moe's one of our favorite places to eat...so we see her there too. Mick has shared with his classes what is going on and hoping to use it to save some families heartache before they go where we are now. Ashleigh(the girl in the picture) called Friday and said she wanted to stop by our house. She came with brownies in hand. That in and of itself is an awesome gesture...but she then explained to me that a few years ago when there had been a suicide of one of the boys at school we had all the students gather at our house to pray. She was one of those students and we barely knew her then. But she says that that night I made cookies and told them that I knew there wasn't anything I could do or say, but I made cookies to try to make them feel better and she wanted to do the same for me. Tears well up in my eyes just thinking of the magnitude of our actions.

2) This picture is a picture of my dear friend and coworker Alison, Micah is actually trying to kiss her. This week she has simply answered the phone everytime I called and listened and then spoke truth to me. She has prayed for me constantly and asked others to do the same. She has said so many times in our MANY conversations that she wishes she could do something to help me...and ironically she has done so much.

3) You all know who this is...the girl with no blog...Amy...she is my best friend from birth and even just trying to type about what she has done for me this week I start to cry. She has offered counsel, got on the computer at 5 in the morning, called her psychologist dad in las vegas, enlisted countless others to pray, put her life on hold, given up a school day, forced me to be real and been my partner in numerous detective operations. It is quite strange that my sister herself feels very threatened by her...the reason being Aim has been more than a sister to me and I will never be able to repay her for it...

4) Nana (and Pops) have stepped in and taken care of Micah when I couldn't. She hasn't asked questions, she hasn't known the situation she just did what we needed and took care of the most important person to Mick and I...

5) The last picture is Mick of course. Who has had the hardest job of them all. Dealing with me 24/7 while also trying to work and keep me sane. He has again shown me Christ and stood firm as I wavered and crumbled a few times. He has reminded me of truth and never once questioned what needed to be done. He has spent his time encouraging me while having to take a backseat to this battle that is waging in my brain. He has loved me and done things that I can't even list but I know that God gave me him as my partner because we are a stronger force for the Lord together than we are apart and we proved that this week.

There are of course so many others who have prayed and made an impact on me but I thought listing these few would help me to focus on something other than the issue at hand. Please keep praying and asking God to do a miracle both in my sister's life as well as give our family discernment in what to do next.

please pray...

I am not really ready to write about things right now. But things with my sister have gotten as bad as the possibly could. Please pray for our family, my sister, God's protection and peace. Thank you and I hope to share more at a later point.

photoshoot...

Today Micah woke up from his nap in the best mood but didn't want to get out of his bed. He was cracking me up jumping and playing and laughing so of course I took pictures. Yet another reason why we need another child...So these are more for family since it is a whole lot of Micah. Also he got attacked by bug bites at the lake so he has a few big bumps on his face and all over his feet. Poor guy! Those people that say you shouldn't have bumpers should have seen the way Micah bulldozes all over the bed today.

a few things...

We stopped at my Grandmama's on the way to the lake and Micah of course loved hanging out and playing with her. You just can't get enough pictures of these two together, I am just so happy he gets to know her.

The other picture is from Micah's new tent. I found it at target last week, on the endcap with a red sticker, of course. It was regularly 26 marked down to 6 bucks. I thought we would keep it til Christmas but I thought I would open it to take to the ball field. I didn't know it was quite so large. So it turned out to be an even better deal than I thought, as well as another new eye sore for our living room...

speaking of our living room. I think I should say here for all to know I have the best motherinlaw in the world. While we were at the lake she came over and shampooed our carpet! Seriously, she is amazing. Thanks again to Nana. Micah dropped a goldfish today and I nearly beat him:)

worn out

We made a trip to the lake this past weekend. Possibly our last for awhile. It stinks to go someplace so relaxing yet not get to relax. Micah just does not sleep well when he can get up and see our sleeping faces. Other than that we had a great time riding the seadoo, playing with Hayden and getting lots of help from Jenny watching Micah. Thanks again Jenny for helping me so much. Thanks to Jenny I got to run by myself for two days. Mick and I even went out on the seadoo. Hayden was as funny as always and was only somewhat mean to Micah. This is a picture I took of Micah out on the deck after playing for so long Saturday. He just couldn't get sleep in the pack and play but he could lay down on the hard wood deck and be happy as could be...

Good Friends...

They would not sit still so I could get a good picture.
Below is the way to really impress the ladies...

Yesterday we got so much accomplished in the morning...we ran, showered, ate, went to the post office, went to the bank, went to get Micah's haircut, then to the chicken house to grab lunch before our lunch meeting. I was so proud at how well we did...then I got our lunches and went to get in the car, guess what was on the front seat...the keys! So our dear friends Alison and Charlotte came to rescue us. While Alison watched Micah and Charlotte (I am sure the longest 15 min. of her life) I took her car to get the keys. Mick met me, thanks so much and on with the day we went. Thanks so much to Alison for rearranging her day to accomadate my mistake! Alison, I and the other girl that works with us met while we fed and watched Micah and Charlotte interact. They love each other and it is so funny to watch them. We got the work done that we needed and it was an altogether exhausting day. Micah is sleeping weird, he keeps waking up screaming in the middle of his naps. I have to go in and rock him back to being calm, any suggestions or thoughts about that?

The boy and his saw...

Yesterday Micah got in his high chair with his saw. Little did I know he planned to use it as his spoon or I would have cleaned it up a bit.

Where's Micah?

Hayden taught Micah to play peekaboo in the closet and he loves it. He would close the door and then jump out!

September 11th...

I was about to upload some pictures of Micah from today and I decided to look at friends blogs first...a routine that takes up too much of my day but I just can't help. I went to my friend Tracy's blog from college(The Carson's) and she had a very poignant post about today. I remembered the date when I woke up but just went about my day(I will blog about that later.) But the reason I can sit here and blog is because of what others have done and what others family members have done. Some even died for...I wont try to encapsulate Tracy's post just go read it yourself.

I too was moved to remember those who have died and those who continue to serve in the armed forces and those who we lost in the terrorist attacks. My cousin, Clinton Ott(see pic)...could be deployed any moment and we already know many who have been or will be. So lift up a prayer for those serving and their families...And share a little more love with those around you today as we are grateful that we can because of our military protection! Thanks Clint!

mama's boy

My letter to give to Micah when he is 15 and doesn't want his mom around...

Dear Bird (I wonder if I'll still call him that then...),
Today was a good day. We had our share of power struggles as usual but you were all about your momma today. I think I held you a good 50% of the day. You were so sweet this morning playing and laughing and coming to kiss me. Then when we went to work you ducked your head onto my shoulder anytime someone tried to talk to you. You held my hand, you loved on me, you kissed me, you smiled at me, you laughed at me(alot), you cried if I left the room. You woke up from your nap scared and crying... I walked in the room and you were sitting up in your crib hands up in the air waiting for me to pick you up. You immediately stopped crying and laid your head back on my shoulder and went straight back to sleep. I rocked you in the rocker and you would wake up every now and then and look at me then doze back off to sleep. You finally woke up and daddy came home. He was a little bit hurt because all you wanted was me. You followed me while I made dinner, you sat by me while we ate, and you watched every move I made. After dinner we played some more and you did a few belly busters from the chair onto my head. Your daddy commented that you were following me everywhere. If I sat on the floor you where in the floor, if I sat on the couch you were climbing up. We said your prayers and off to bed you went. I thanked Jesus for the amazing gift that you are...Thank you Jesus! All days aren't like this one and if they were they wouldn't be so special anymore. You are all boy and are so strongwilled. You are getting so big and strong. You have your own personality and your own way of doing things. You love to talk and show off. I know you wont need your momma like you do now forever, but for now I will just be thankful for the days like today where you can't get enough of me. I love you Micah!
Love in Christ- Momma

As you can tell today was a needy day for Micah. He isn't usually like this and for some reason it just hit me how much I need to be grateful, not irritated or unaware. The sweet thing is God let me enjoy today and reminded me of His love for me through my sweet boy here on earth. All the things I mentioned above aren't usual occurences for Micah. He is getting big and doesn't need me, or think he needs me as much these days. So for whatever the reason he gave me extra love today and for that I am thankful.

gotta post while I can...

The boys are napping now after I tryed to pack way to much into our Saturday morning. Mick was only home for a few hours in between golf course work and softball so I wanted to take advantage. We ate breakfast, I ran, we went to the pool, we ate at Chickfila and Mick abandoned us there. After 30 minutes of chaos at the chicken house we came home and played and now miraculously both boys are asleep. Thank you Jesus! I am sure our afternoon will be just as eventful but I am going to stick with places that I can harness them both. These are pictures from the pool and from where Micah and Hayden and I built a tent in our living room chair. The boys loved it!

weekend fun...

Knuckles for Mac...he also kissed/licked her through the fence...his first kiss at such a young age. Mac is one of the prettiest and sweetest girls I know though! At least he has good taste...
Trying to get a twins pic...
The prayer
The boys all smiles at 10:00...I should be ashamed right?

We have Hayden this weekend and it has already been very busy and taxing. Mick has a tournament last night and today so the boys and I are on our own for most of the time. Although Mick has made an effort to help for sure. We went to the ball field last night and on the way there Hayden says "Aunt Steph, I am going to be a doctor when I grow up." I said, "good for you"...Hayden then proceded to say "so that when you have another baby I can get it out for you". Oh my stars I thought I would die. You can tell he has been around alot of pregnant women in the last year or so. He then said "Aunt Steph, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I told him I was a mommy but he said that I had to be something. Good to know a mommy isn't a good enough profession for a four year old. I could go on because Hayden hasn't shut his mouth since he walked in the door. When I went for a run this morning I was going to take one of the boys with me in the stroller and Hayden said "No Steph go by yourself; you need some peace and quiet" Heck yes I did! As a sidenote if you push a messed up stroller with a 25 lb baby in it a mile you can run two or seven without it. It sure was nice to cruise around the neighborhood without a stroller today...thanks again to Mick. These are pictures from the ballfield with my twin boys 3 years apart. I found these shirts and shorts at old navy yesterday...6 bucks for each outfit! The ones of the boys and the teams are from the game. One of the things that Mick does that makes me so proud is he invites our team and the opposing team to pray together after each game they play...it is such a good ministry for the girls and so many people see what they are doing and are moved by it. It is a small way that Mick gets to show both his team and others Jesus in a special way. It is when I look at these pictures I forget the long nights, and long drives, and long weekends, knowing that he is doing something that will have great worth for eternity!

CHEESE!

Micah used to wear hats all the time...not anymore. Today I had him wearing one and I wanted a cute picture of him in it. He kept ripping it off before I could get one. So I begged him to let me take a picture and then just out of habit I said..."Now say cheese!" He looked straight at me and smiled saying "cheese!" That is the last picture on here...and that my friends is why I do what I do.

I needed to write this post and remember that feeling because about 20 minutes after our cute photoshoot Micah threw his cup down and I asked him to pick it up. No big deal right? Oh heck yes it is a big deal and we spent the 30 minutes after that making it an even bigger deal. Micah acted like there were needles coming out the sides of the cup and refused to even get close to it. As always, I was trying to follow Dr. Dobson's advice and not let him win...so we tried time out I carried him to the cup...I gave him a break...I sang songs about picking up the cup...we prayed to Jesus to help him pick up the cup(and for patience for me)...all the while Micah sobbed uncontrollably, I mean screams were involved. I was at a loss as to what to do so finally I grabbed his two little hands and forced him to pick it up and then forced it on to the table. I then went in the other room to compose myself. Micah continued to lay thrashing on the floor. I vaguely remember having a tantrum myself and I remember pulling all the sheets off my bed and my mom coming in and closing me in my room like I was crazy. This episode today was a mirror of what I have sowed...I am reaping it and I know my mom is smiling now:) After his tantrum Micah was fine, like nothing even happened...I of course was a little on edge for a while. Seriously, I am giving a little too much Micah for the blog so hopefully this will be the last of my 3 a day posts!

last night...

Last night we had some good ole' family time. Which consists of all three of us laying in the floor. Micah has officially made it his mission to climb on the couches constantly. It started when he was snotty and I sat him in the middle of the couch and told him "don't move" and hold up my hand while I go get something. Micah finds this hilarious to move right after he repeats what I say and holds up his little hand. Ok, digressing...so last night he climbed into his spot and put his doggy and penguin up there with him. Then he got down and got his tennis raquet and milk and got ready to hit the ball. Hilarious...so Mick started throwing him the ball and he would either hit it or pick it up after the miss and throw it back. I got the camera and miraculously he kept playing. I wanted to get an action shot...that is why there are so many shots. I love that about every three hits he had to stop and take a milk break. That is how his Budda plays tennis too, but it isn't a milk break he stopped for...water either:) Just had to share...Can you tell we missed our bird while we were gone?

things micah said in his first two hours awake...

This post is strictly for Mick and family mostly. Here are things that Micah said today. For those that know him you know he is talking up a storm...but in swahili. This morning he told me a whole story before I got him out of bed, but I have absolutely no clue what he said.
Here are the words he repeated after I said them today...
wet
hot
outside (perfectly clear with TWO syllables!)
shower
uh oh...this one is on his own
mark..set..go
no no
run
teeth
blankie
I am sure there are more, which is why I am putting them in writing so I don't forget...I know this is real boring unless your child is just beginning to talk. I promise to not do a whole lot of these lists but its an easy way to compare notes if and when there is a next go round.

All eyes on bird...

Today has been so much fun because I have devoted almost the whole day to hanging out with Micah. I had to work yesterday but today I am only working a couple of hours and hopefully Micah is asleep for most of those. Micah and I both slept in...hallelujah...til 8. Got up had breakfast and then we went for a run(I was inspired by Summer, Suzie and Amy to get my booty moving). I used the jogging stroller and Micah loved just being outside and watching everything. I love to go anywhere with him because I see the world through his eyes and it makes me recognize God's glory and blessings much easier. I will say that the jogging stroller I have is a handmedown and doesn't work quite like it should. My arms and strangely my neck hurt when we finished. We did a few laps around the neighborhood(not running the whole time, don't get carried away now) then we stopped at the playground and then on to the pool. At the pool Micah loved it! We only have a few more days til the pool closes on Monday so I hope to go everyday...anyone want to join us? Micah was pretty worn out for 11oclock but we made it back to the house for some lunch and a quick trip to cfa. He ate like a pig at breakfast and again at lunch. I don't know if he is hitting a growth spurt or what! Once we got back we played some more and now he is down for a nap. It is amazing the things you notice about your child if you just focus on them. It is so hard working and doing other things, but today was just about Micah and I was blessed by the ways he is growing and changing. I asked him if he was strong willed today and he said "right!". He is talking up a storm and repeated all these names today...mama(my favorite), dada, nana, pop, jenny, budda, hayden, bay, amy, brad, PAX (he yells this one), berra, and then he got distracted. If your name wasn't mentioned don't be offended, it is either too hard to say or I didn't get to you before Micah moved to the next activity. As for our little leg buckler, nothing today. We didn't go to the doctor because I had nothing to show them. Hopefully it was a one day thing and wont come back again. I definitely know more about Micah's walking ability than I ever noticed before. Oh and Nana found a splinter in the other foot last night so we think that might have been related...who knows!

More of the First Annual Labor Day Trip...

Laying by our private pool!
Playing Cornhole
How many pictures do Aims and I have by the ocean in our bathing suits? This is our first one since birthing any babies!
These two are two peas in a pod. This is The Shirtless Chef Brad and his assistant/apprentice Mick(he's the one wearing his shirt)
Summer and I plus Paxton's drool on my shirt.

So I am thinking we should do this every year. Even if we don't get invited back with this same group, (Mick and I are very overwhelming friends) we want to go somewhere on Labor Day next year. It falls at a perfect time for our family needing a break and also a good time to set aside for Mick and I to refocus what we want for our marriage and our family. Here are just some more random pics from the trip. Since I can't figure out how to download them and click the HERE button, this is how I do it.

Amy's MiniBlog

Paxton and the Papparazzi




So since Amy prefers to use my blog to share with people...I thought I would give their fam and pictures their own post:) Paxton was a perfect baby on the trip. In fact in my previous blog I didn't mention him because he was so good that I forgot. Well, I didn't really forget I just new I was giving him his own private section. It was fun hanging out with Pax without Micah, because I got to actually hold him and play with him. I will say even though I had the first child I am learning things from watching Aim and Pax. She is so lax and go with the flow and I hope next time (if there is a next time) that I am more like her in that way. Suzie is an excellent photographer and had a little shoot with The Dobbs crew and they turned out great. These are some of the ones that I took during it, and while they aren't Suzie quality I thought I would share a little more Paxton with everyone!