Still no internet at our house so we've left the house again to head to nana's for 3o min. not sufficient time for a decent blog. As you all know though, this blog has helped my sanity tremendously in the past and right now I need all the sanity help I can get. Sadie Jane is doing great and Micah is really loving on her still. Not a harsh word for her at all...now harshness for Mick and I still abounds at times don't get me wrong. But we have so much to be thankful for...
and yet I feel sad. I am doing better than last postpartum with eating and staying somewhat calm but it is still a battle. One that I would really appreciate your prayers for...if you haven't experienced these feelings (which no women in my family have) it is hard to explain or understand. For those few that feel this way I wanted to let this be known in hopes that it would help with my emotions and others too. I am struggling with emotions of needing lots of consistency which means demanding alot from Mick...then feeling guilty from that. I also feel out of control and worry that I have rocked our families worlds and Sadie Jane's and will never be able to make it all work together. Our lives were complicated before but I had it under control (yeah right). I don't want Sadie Jane or Micah to suffer because I have to deal with the other. I wonder why we did this if I can't keep up and on and on goes the analyzing...I know it is mostly unreasonable and at least after Micah I know it will pass. But I want it to pass with trusting Jesus and no medicine. This may or may not be possible. Alot of it boils down to control and I know we all have none of that anyways when you trust in Jesus He is who is truly in control.
Ok, I've worried my mother enough and shared way too much, she'll say. But it is what it is and I feel that since I have been way more honest about my feelings this go round more people have been praying and more battling in the name of Jesus is helping. Much love for now...
5 comments:
hang in there girl! You are an awesome mother and this too SHALL PASS! I saw this quote (but I'm sure I won't quote it right) when I was at one of my gazillion check ups at the beginning of this pregnancy when I was so sick and spotting all the time waiting and praying on an u/s and trying to prepare myself for whatever it might be and stressing about what I had done to my family -- all the sacrifices (you know what I mean). Anways - the quote -- "The best gift we can give a child, is a sibling". I have found so much comfort in that and have reminded myself the benefits that siblings bring - Mainly it is not always my way!!! Hugs to you ;)
Hang in there Stephanie. I have not had these feelings because I have not had a little baby of my own, but I know that "sad" feeling and how overwhelming it can be some times and praise God they come only for a short time. I will be praying for you. You have a beautiful family and one that strives to exude Christ! Hang in there and remember that God WILL use whatever you are going through to glorify His kingdom!
Praying for you! God never gives us more than we can handle, even when it seems we can't!
If I can do anything to help you guys out (anything at all!), please let me know!
(((Hugs))).
I just said a prayer for you! I totally understand. My husband Charlie and I only have one baby but the first 4 weeks of her life were absolutely awful for me. Wonderful, in that we had a long awaited answer to prayer but awful in that I felt so so so depressed and hopeless and like the simple, controlled life I once knew was gone forever! You know this will not last foreve. It is a season, and God is so faithful in the hard seasons.
I've been there, Steph, I totally understand how you're feeling. I call it "The Mommy Fog". I'm praying that it passes quickly. Be easy on yourself!
xoxoxo
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