Well fed.

You don't get hammies like this from formula people! I'm just teasing, I have seen lots of babies with rolls like these but I just happen to love these best! This is a breastfeeding post so skip it if you aren't interested, it is just something I mulled over while gone on vacation. For those that know me you know I am NOT a modest person, at all. Breastfeeding has made me even less so. But with Micah I still only breastfed in private. I know this may seem crazy to you but I think doing so led to more depression. I mean, my babies eat, so that meant spending hours holed up in one room, dressing room, bathroom or another, faintly hearing friends and family interact. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I am so thankful that I could nurse Micah. But in doing so he refused to nurse under a cover or if anyone around him spoke. So of course with Sadie Jane I wanted her to be a little more flexible...and I became a little more bold in my breastfeeding. I no longer left the room with people over to go feed (if they were girls), so many a teenager got an eyeful of what it means to be a momma in all senses of the word. In doing so I feel like it helped me come out of my fog sooner. Well, SayJ has started baby food but she isn't slowing down on the nursing, thus the hammies pictured above! So on our beach trip last week I found new freedom in feeding. I teased Mick that I bared my bossom from here to Fernandina and everywhere in between. I couldn't bare to force Sadie Jane to sit in our packed to the brim car even for stops so that I could nurse her. We walked into an empty Burger King and I thought, I'll never see these people again, I'm not heading back to the car...I'll just nurse here. So we did, I didn't have my hooter hider so I used a burp cloth. As soon as I whipped it out the dining room that was completely empty began to fill up. And I began to get dirty looks. I was covered, I thought. But the harsh judgement and creepy men doing laps made me rethink my decision. After I finished a worker came up and said "You don't see people do that very often(condescending tone) " referring to my feeding...so apparently you can't "have it your way" at the king after all. Next stop was another Burger King (they had the playgrounds we didn't eat there) I opted to nurse outside where we were alone. So nice. After this ride down I decided I could do the discreet nursing in public and have life be alot easier. So after that I nursed (with Hooter hider) at Panera, on the beach every day, the chicken house, at the ballfield, with Say J in carseat screaming, with Say J out of carseat on side of the rode. Phew, just seeing all that makes me see how much nicer it was to not be holed up by myself for all of those feedings...I wouldn't have ever seen the light of day (ie our first vacation with Micah:)) When I was about to write this post I happened on a friend's post about public nursing and I realized that I hadn't given much thought to the people around me and their comfort level in those places...the whole I'll never see you again makes you do things you might not normally. So I am wrestling over what works for me but also doesn't scar small children or attract creepy men. Hopefully I can find a balance and make it work for SayJ, me and our family as well as innocent bystanders. I might have revealed to much at the beach...but it was spring break people so I didn't bare as much as some I'm sure! This post might be a little too much information but is one of those things I wanted to type through out loud and give others freedom or at least a little glimpse into what part of motherhood can look like...and had I known that I could have been a little more open with the nursing the first go round I might not have ended up in quite the fog I was in the first go round. And who knows if we have a third I might turn into that lady no one wants to sit next to on the airplane! Ha, just teasing!