Disclaimer: This is a free therapy session for myself. Feel free to skip and come back on another day with pictures:)
So I am learning more about myself than I'd care to know lately. I found out a bit ago that I am losing my job at the chicken house. I knew that it was a possibility with the economy and a couple of other factors but after working there so long I just never thought about what came next. But God (and my boss) had other plans. You see I've had my job since before I got pregnant with Micah. I worked at the chicken house full time until I gave birth and then cut back a little and then a little after each child til now I am working just enough to make ends meet. I have taken Micah and then SadieJane in a sling and stapled bulletin boards, delivered chicken, put flowers out and counted coupons all with my babies in tow. It has been the best job to have if you want to stay at home with your children but have to make money. Of course, it has had more than its share of stressors and trying to balance both lives has often gotten me down; you've all heard my pity party before on here. Nonetheless, I am so thankful for the time I got to spend both contributing to our income as well as getting to be with my babies. No matter what happens now, I was given such a gift in being able to do both and I don't want to lose sight of that in all the stress. I am now looking high and low for something to do that would afford me the same luxury(I'll use that term loosely here:)) of working without having to leave my babies somewhere. So far my options are very limited and with that I am learning...
When I found out I was getting canned I didn't cry or beg for my job like I thought that I would(looking back, maybe I should have:)). I was surprisingly calm and felt God's hand in it. I knew at that moment it would be a lesson in trusting God. One that I needed to learn. But not five minutes after I had that peace, satan popped in to remind me of all the ways I am failing and all of the ways this could be just plain BAD news. But I know that is not the case. God is FOR me. He loves me and promises to "give me a hope and future". He does not promise me everything I want in just the way I want it. Nor does He promise me that I am going to have to do the very thing I don't want to do. You see my crazy brain is like a playground for satan's icky thoughts and anxiety. But in all that I can see God refining what is important. Like my trips to target...notsomuch top priority. Then reading to my babies or playing little people or saying good night prayers...pretty earthshattering.
Shortly after finding out I was getting the boot, I hurt my achilles so I couldn't run off the stress that was starting to mount up. Mick's truck broke. I'm having some minor health issues. Micah needs glasses. You know, life just kept on happening even after some bad news hit. Praise the Lord it was minor things and don't I know it could be MUCH worse. God answered in all of those things too. My ankle healed in a weeks time, but long enough for God to keep me from "running" away from Him. We thought we were going to have to tow Mick's truck in, but Destiny's friend came over and magically found the problem and FIXED it.(unfortunately it broke again before I posted:(, but we know it'll be ok:)) I feel better and Micah is I am sure going to look too cute in his new glasses. (cute picture post coming soon:))So even in the details God is there...telling us, I got this, Stephanie. Stop it.
I know that losing my job is one of the only ways God could teach me the things that He wanted. I HAVE to rely on Him. There is just no way around it. I do not know how I will find another job that will work with our family and what we feel is right for us, but I know that God is in control of finding it. (Small disclaimer: I know what we feel is right for our family is not the same as everyone else, I am in no way knocking those who work outside the home, I know you do what is right for your family and I am just trying to do the same for mine) Not that I'm sitting back and doing nothing, in fact, just the contrary, I had been running around searching for any little position. But even in that God is reminding me to both look and search but to trust Him for the outcome and NOT try to do it myself.
Even in my personal time with the Lord He is so kind to speak directly to me. Here are some of the verses that I have been encouraged by...
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
"With everlasting kindness, I will have compassion on you, says the Lord your Redeemer." Isaiah 54:8
and of course...
"God works together for the good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Amen.
3 comments:
Sorry to hear about the job. Ironic that is almost a year after he also let me go. I had no idea how we were going to do it, and here I am a whole year later and while we have made some sacrifices, we are doing fine. You will probably be surprised how God will provide and honestly, the time with your kiddos - without worrying about the chicken house - is so refreshing. Losing my job last year was one of the toughest personal things I went through (mentally) but all in all, it was the best thing for our family - not our wallet, but for us as a whole. I don't miss the work, but I certainly miss the free chicken. :)
So sorry Steph, you know we have gone through some of the same things! Praying for you-
Post a Comment