How could this face possibly be right?
We know how to have fun...
Four thumbs up!
And we can't forget our sweet baby girl.Ok, so these are random pictures that do not go with this post but I just can't stand to have a pictureless post and I don't really think those pictures warrant a post in the first place. Hee hee.
So my title isn't about us rooting for two different football teams like those silly car tags (sorry if you have one). And this post comes with more disclaimers than the actual post itself. Meaning read on with me at your own risk...I am writing this as it comes but wanted to get it out on the screen and just to see others takes on the matter. You will see in your reading that I am definitely a brain divided as well.
The thing that Mick and I have been divided on since about two days into our dating life was the number of children we would have. I always wanted a ton and Mick wanted two at the MOST. He has many rational debates to his point of view, top of the list being providing for the sweet babies and the fact that he is old. I have always glazed over those two issues and thought eventually he'd come around. I should have known that on the day we found out Sadie Jane was a girl he offered to go get snipped...and truth be told has offered every day since (ok, I am exaggerating but you see what I mean) He also claims to have prayed about it...but I always have a hard time when God answers Mick's prayers first. Just teasing...Mick is still open to praying but so far the spirit has NOT moved.
All joking aside I have never agreed that we were done and in case you are wondering this isn't a real source of discension in our marraige, I wouldn't broadcast it if it were...ok maybe I would...but Mick and I both would compromise on this issue were the other completely sold out, but neither of us have actually pulled the absolute card...yet. He might after reading this post:) But part of me just feels like I have to keep holding out for more because that is the more "spiritual thing to do". I know that might sound crazy but think about it, the most godly people you know, unless they can not reproduce, do so often...I'm just saying. Ok maybe I should say that alot of people that have a lot of children are usually really godly people. MAJOR stereotype there and not at all accurate but this is how my messed up brain works. Anyways, the Bible says be fruitful and multiply and the Duggars seem to think you should have as many babies as God allows. Now, I can't even have one baby without medicine or surgery so it isn't likely (unless God wanted us to) that I would get pregnant. So part of me thinks we should just do nothing and see what He would like. Mick does not like this idea and lately I have been wondering if I actually want to be done.(gasp!) I love my babies and I know people have worried about having more than one and not having enough love to go around. Love is not the problem here. My love only multiplied when I had Sadie Jane, but my attention got divided and I really have a hard time with that. It seems like with each subsequent child you miss out more and more with the older ones. I think God gives some people capacity and ability to handle this better that others. So far it doesn't feel like I am good at it. I am sad when I miss time with Micah and nursing seems to cause me to be away from him even more but it is worth it. (we all read that I had been nursing SayJ too much anyways) It seems like I hardly get to talk to Sadie Jane and look her in the eye because I am also busy disciplining and talking to our chatty Bird. Don't take this as me not being a fan of big families because I really am. Which is why I am confused as to why I might be leaning towards Mick side of being ok with just two. I always wanted more and have said so for a long time...I can't change my mind now. This is about me and everybody's brains...ok probably no one but me...thinks and has anxiety like I do. But when I think about not having anymore I am sad about all the broad generalities of sweet baby loving and pictures and cute things but when I think about nursing, post part depression and waking up in the night and mainly having to pull myself away from the two I have now again the way I have had to with SayJ I get a little relieved that Mick is halting my horse.
I know that no matter what if we seek Jesus and what He wants for our family we will make the right decision for us. Everyone has to do what is right for themselves...not neccesarily what is right in their own eyes...but what God really wants for them. I am just not sure what the answer to that is for our family yet. So we'll keep praying...and I'll keep being me, even in all my craziness in my head. This post was written after reading a book on security...so I might feel a little to secure and be oversharing. Some things never change.
So what about you and yours? How many is enough for you? Whatcha think?
4 comments:
Why tamper with perfection - sweet Micah and precious SJ???? mkm
Oh gosh Steph I can so totally relate to this dilemma. I've been through the same confusion. A few months ago we had finally decided we were done, simply because of my medical problems, and finally got to the point where we were both 100% certain and ready to make it permanent. We had not completely ruled out the idea of another child, but agreed that IF we eventually decided to add another it would be though adoption.
Well apparently God had other plans! Which was very hard to swallow at first.
This is a VERY difficult and VERY permanent decision, so obviously it's not something you can figure out in a short period of time. My best advice to you honestly is to make no decisions for the time being. Truly I believe it's not a good idea to make any kind of life-altering decision w/in a year of giving birth anyways b/c I just think we go temporarily crazy and overwhelmed and our emotions are all over the place for a while! I think you're doing the right thing by just waiting and seeking God's will and staying open minded to what it is that He has planned for you, whatever that is. Over time I think the right decision will become more clear. Just make sure you are listening to God's voice, and not the voice of friends/family/etc. This is between you and mick and God :)
Ok well I will first say Im not the best person for advice but I am your sister! First I will say that I think youre a great parent and you should do what you feel is right! Who cares what anyone else thinks...Do what makes you happy! Oh just one more thing I will say from my experience the 3rd one really takes a toll on your body!Anyways I was just reading and I felt like I should give you my 2-cents. I love you!!
Ok so I might have to post on my own blog because I have a lot to say here too ;) Ok so I have always wanted a lot of children too and Jonathan has always wanted to stop at just 2. He has never in our dating life or marriage even considered that 3 would be ok. So I told him that God was going to give us one baby in our first pregnancy and twins in the second. So there would be no way getting around it and we would end up with 3...I may be wishing something not so easy on myself with that one, but we often joke about it. That being said I reason that more than 2 always gives you someone to play with. Me and my two siblings are very close in age and in our relationships. Not that it could not happen with 2, but had that been where my parents stopped I would have never had the beautiful friendship I have with my sister. Jonathan on the other hand sees the size of my family as chaotic and he also sees $ signs. He did once say that we would have as many children as God wanted to give us and I also agree with that. All that being said, I know God will never give you more than you can handle and if it is his will to give you more children God will find a way around a vasectomy. I know he gives us free will as well. That is such a hard place to be in because Jonathan and I may just as well be there one day too depending on how I feel after our second pregnancy. There is nothing worse that the pain of empty arms regardless of how many you have. I do know this though, there are a lot of women who feel sad when they are "officially" done having babies, so I would pray for clarity from God on that one and that if you guys are really done that he give you a peace and if not that he put unity in both your hearts for his will. Anyway those are just my thoughts, its one of those tough decisions and both you and your husband have to be on the same page...I am sure you will have great advice for Jonathan and me when we reach that stage in our life :)
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