So, what are you up to?

Last night, at one of our thanksgiving dinners someone asked me this question and I had no answer. I mean I seriously drew a blank. I answered in a dazed way, "I guess just having babies" Nice. We came home fed, bathed and got everybody to bed and then Mick headed out to play cards. I got really lonely feeling laying in bed and I started to think about that question. I know, I should have just gone to sleep, right? But I didn't and I spent sometime talking to the Lord. And being still before him. And I realized my identity as a mom has completely overwhelmed my whole life. Now, don't worry I know I just had a baby 8 weeks ago and all of that...but it is true. I will wake up in the night to feed a baby, I'll go sit and read a book with Micah, I'll change thirtysevenmillion diapers...but sit down and spend time with the Lord...notsomuch. Which would lead me to understand why my identity is so skewed. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a momma and I would not trade it for anything. BUT God reminded me last night that my relationship with Him is still first. And of course by putting that relationship first I will be a better momma, wife, friend, etc. I am struggling alot with sadness, aloneness and worry; not because things are neccesarily that bad...which is why I wondered why I couldn't answer such a simple question. So I need to figure out what I am up to...and I think God will help me do that. This isn't meant to be a downer post but I needed to type out my thoughts, what's new. I also don't want to belittle the role of being a wife or momma at all and I am the first to defend its importance, which is partly why its so easy to get consumed and sucked into thinking it is all that there is...but if you put ALL of your value in that anytime things go wrong you feel like such a failure; that definitely isn't what God intends for His children. So I am commited to spending time with the lover of my soul so that I can be who God wants me to be...not mother of the year, martha stewart, or a super model...which might be nice, but I want to be who God created me to be, and I have to spend time in His word to know who that is...sadly something I have seriously neglected.