secrets and beans

Micah doesn't understand the "secret's" magnitude but is thrilled nonetheless.


How I feel when I can't tell a secret.


How I feel once it is out!

So for a while now I have debated the pros and cons of telling my secret. Before even saying it or reading these posts some of you know what my secret is...either I've told you or you have assumed. I have a big problem with secrets, if I buy a present in advance for Mick I want to give it to him right then. My mom has always been the one to say, Steph, you told, didn't you. So a secret this big was just too much for us to hold in. We are pregnant with a new little bean. I am almost 8 weeks so he/she is about the size of a bean. I have wondered if I should put this information out there so early...what if something happens? will I be judged for telling now? will I dissappoint friends and strangers if this pregnancy were to fail, on and on and on. But the truth is...I am me and I am honest to a fault. I can hardly blog lately because I feel like a whole part of who I am (ok, just a bean) is being left out. So the truth is out and I will feel much better not having to hide apart of me. That is the selfish part but then the other part is something that I have been struggling with lately. With my last pregnancy I wasn't aware of the possibility of miscarraige, etc. but I have unfortunately witnessed countless friends go through them since I had Micah. This makes me so fearful of the same thing happening to me, worrying that my fortitude isn't as strong as others if the cards were dealt my way. BUT that isn't in line with the Jesus I know and whatever He brings me to, He'll bring me through so I battle back with that thought. I also am more aware of the life that is inside me...that our Heavenly Father knit it together in my womb and has placed it there for a purpose. For those who feel it isn't a life or it isn't real and choose to take it infuriates me because I so feel otherwise. We have had a few problems in this short time and I am constantly at the doctor. We had an ultrasound last week and got to see the beautiful sign of a healthy heartbeat. So while I don't know what this little one will be like I ask you to join with me to pray that whatever the path God carries us through. Thanks for indulging in my long post...this might be the last time I get to share this kind of news so I wanted to say all I could. Even though I have shared tons of fears we are still esctatic and so thankful that God has chosen to bless our family in this way. This is the verse from my quiet time today and it confirmed that this news was too good not to give God the glory for! It sums up how I feel:

2 Samuel 7:18

"...Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"

The post below is the one I wrote right after we found out...it is a lot of girly information so skip it if you like...

Disclaimer: I would have loved to tell so many more people in person but only just now decided to "go public" so I apologize for that:)!