Anxiety...Excitement...Anxiety....Excitement.

Look at those precious babies, how could anyone want to leave them? Below you will find my justification to do just that, to help myself feel better and to hopefully convince myself that doing so wont harm anyone for years to come.
Even when we went out for my birthday dinner I had a hard time picking where to eat or even what to eat without thinking what they would want or how I wished they were there, or that I could entertain them somehow. I find myself always saying..."oh Micah would love that, or I wish Sadie Jane were here" even when we do get to get away. In some ways I love this because it means I am a Momma 24/7 and I know not how to turn it off. But in some ways this is a bad thing because I am a Momma 24/7 and I know not how to turn it OFF. Sometimes I fear that while I love being a Momma I am loosing part of who I am by not tending to other relationships or tending to my own heart and being still and listening to the Lord even. I have mentioned ad nauseum the balancing act of enjoying being a stay at home Momma and still being who I am. It is a constant battle. Which leads me to the title of the post...
For months I've been planning to go on a Girl's Trip with some of my best friends. And as my title states...since the moment of inception I have see-sawed from anxiety to excitement more times than I could count. The time is finally hear and we set off tomorrow and will return home Sunday night. Three. Whole. Days. I have not been away from Mick, Micah and SadieJane all at once in the almost seven years we've been married. I've been away from one of them at a time...(ie. Mick and I went on an anniversary trip before SayJ came, and Mick has left the kids and I at home to go coach) but never me without ALL of them. Oh, and SadieJane, well we've never been apart other than the brief stint when they stayed at Nana's, but I still saw them every day. With all this explaining you can see why this is a source of both excitement and anxiety. While I'm sure they will be fine, it is just something that hasn't happened before so the fear of the unknown and more importantly the fear that I can't be in control of every moment makes me twitch. So, in true Stephanie fashion I've compiled a list in my head to calm my thoughts...and then the other list fights back with Satan telling me all the things that could go wrong. I'll list them here for you. I know you can't wait!
Here are some good reasons for me going:
~Uhhh, sanity.
~Both kiddos get good time with Daddy, something they don't get alot of...and something I tend to take control of...without me here they have no choice:)
~Time with girlfriends.
~Time with Jesus.
~Time with my pillow.
~I'm going to LAY on the beach. (still can't believe this one will happen.)
~I'm going to get to eat a meal...no wait...SEVEN meals without feeling like I have an octopus crawling all over me.
~I'm going to read bookS. Yes, it is 3 days so I am definitely going to push myself to get it in while I can fit it in. Got me some Francine Rivers and the Heaven is for Real book. Can't wait to enjoy reading again.
~I'm going to get to swim without that same octopus.
~I'm going to put sunscreen on ME. I'll be able to remember if I just have to put it on one person surely.
~I'm going to run without arranging a conference call to make it happen. (unless time with my pillow, girlfriends or Jesus interferes:))
~My babies will probably have so much fun with their Daddy and family that they'll hardly notice I'm gone.
~I think that is enough...I'm feeling ready to go after typing all those...maybe I should skip my worrying list. Oh, but you know me I can't. Must. Type.

WorryWart
~ My children wont love me when I return. (I've left them gifts for everyday I am gone so that they wont forget me:) (My mom did this for me and my sister and it is a favorite of my childhood memories) (We wont mention my resentment for how often we got said gifts)
~Someone wont get fed.
~Someone wont get their nap on time.
~Someone wont get a nap.
~SayJ will go bonkers and I will feel like scum of the earth.
~I will owe Mick for weeks:) (I know I will...and I am really not THAT worried about it)
~Something big will happen like, SadieJane will start speaking in sentences or Micah will decide to get baptized.
~The transition when I do come home will be a big pain in the booty. Positive Polly, that's me!
~Something big and bad will happen...like a scraped knee or a bumped head and I wont be here to panic and kiss it.
~My family will have so much fun without me that they wont miss me! Gasp!

Phew, now I feel better. So I'm ready, let's do this. I am prepared to cry a few times because I miss them but I hope to be able to enjoy, rest and fellowship with some really awesome women. You all know I'll let you know how it turns out, along with a myriad of pictures.

More importantly you can pray for Mick as he embarks on his first annual Daddy Day Camp after a long week of teaching summer school and baseball camp. I know, I am such a such a good wife to punch him while he's down. But Father's Day is coming soon...and I promise to make it worth his while.