well really kids in general, but boys especially is what this post is about. I have a list of disclaimers a mile long because I am not writing to offend, judge, or attack anyone. So if you feel any of the aforementioned things....stop it. I just think this is a conversation that needs to be had, and most of the people, ok women, that read my blog will one day be facing these issues.
Ok, so enough with disclaimers, did I mention don't get your feelings hurt...boy, do I need to get my security straight, or what?
In the past week Mick has faced two difficult decisions with baseball boys. Both situations we have never had to deal with before. So, it got me thinking, what's the deal with these boys? and more importantly, what's the deal with these parents? One decision was life altering, the other just season changing. One extremely important in life, the other only extremely important within a little chain link fence off Chapel Hill Road.
The first situation if you live close to or around Dville, you've heard about. It has been all over the news. While you can get the names and details there, I'll save that for 11 Alive, my concern is more abstract and less about just a few individuals. The incident basically involved underage drinking, that was overseen by adults. The most unfortunate part is that it led to a drunk driving accident that led to an injury and sadly the death of a teenage girl. I don't know her or details about her but I can only imagine her family and friends sadness and the frustration of a death that didn't have to happen. Pray for them. I am not about blame and I am all about grace, when offered by Jesus. So this post isn't about who is responsible for what happened to her. At least not directly. But the reason this hit home is that two of Mick's baseball players were caught purchasing alcohol and arrested. The father of one of the boys was also arrested because he allowed them to drink at his home. The girl that was killed and those with her stopped by this party after drinking at another party previously, where an adult there actually purchased alcohol for all of those high school kids. Just an overall sad situation. But sad because all of these people were seen as contributing to an awful accident. The other hundreds of parents who buy their kids alcohol and do their best to keep them at their house because "If they are going to drink, at least they are doing it at our house where I can keep them safe..."they aren't usually sad come Monday morning. But because of an unfortunate series of events a whole lot of adults are rethinking their decision to do just that. Because I am not at this season of life it is easy for me to say what I would do, so I know some of this may change. But I'll tell you what I know for sure...I do think about Micah and his strong will and the fact that if the boy wants to drink in high school there is most likely nothing I can do about it. I can do my best to raise him to make wise decisions, but ultimately the choice will be his. Ahhh...work work work....that is what I've gotta do for the next 2o years. Due to the situation at hand Mick and I obviously discussed it and while even if we were the type of parents that we mentioned above, this wreck proves that you can not control those around you. I could not bare to be responsible for other peoples children with alcohol being involved. For goodness sake, I kept Jaxson for Taron this week and worried that she would be so upset with his waterlogged shoes, that he soaked while jumping in a puddle. I wont be offering him a brewski in his high school years either. There are just way to many factors and whatifs to do that. So, it just seems there is too much pressure and liability on parents to offer alcohol in a controlled environment, because with teenagers there seems to be never enough control, forget the moral implications or the fact that it is against the law. Don't get me wrong I had plenty of friends parents who did just this and nothing ever happened. They monitored the situation closely and it seemed a responsible way to handle the tabooness of drinking. I think even Jenny probably would have let me knock a few back had I asked:) So, how did this become ok? What does it really teach teenagers anyways? Breaking the law is ok when I say so? I know, I know, there are some parents who speed(I think even Mick does that. haha) etc. and there are plenty of arguments out there. I think I made a few of them as a teenager, so maybe Jenny said no. I just at least wanted to open the dialogue for others to think about it, because while most of us aren't there yet, we will be one day...and we need to know that stuff like this past week happens. For that teenage girls sake we need to at least acknowledge something those parents(the ones that purchased alcohol), and kids, for that matter were doing wasn't right. And we also need to acknowledge it could have just as easily been us, if we make similar choices.
The other situation deals with his team and it seems silly but it sortof goes with the above issue as well. We got the FOURTH phone call this season today that another of Mick's starting players had injured his ankle playing pick up basketball. I know this seems harmless to you, but two players did this during the off season so Mick addressed the issue shortly after tryouts and told the boys, NO bball. One week into practice he gets a call, another starter down with the ankle, he gives an even more serious "Seriously boys, NO bball", and then today his last remaining catcher (remember the two players above wont be returning to the team after their much more lifealtering choices) will be out for most likely the remainder of the season. All of these boys are great boys with great parents, and let's face it playing pickup bball is a MUCH better choice than the ones made in the above paragraph. BUT, these boys are great boys and yet they still directly...let me use a term we Momma's of preschoolers know..."they blatantly disobeyed". Again, I ask, what is the deal? I of course am biased because I am thinking of Mick and the team and the season. I know that God has a purpose for Mick's team and those boys and it is way more important for them to learn more about Him than winning. I definitely get that. And God does use adversity to teach alot of things. But these boys nonetheless chose to do what they knew was wrong. And they chose to be selfish (I know they didn't think of all this, but it is true) and not think about how their team needed them. It was a momentary fun thing to do, so they chose it. Again no shame or blame here. You can't even be mad at them because you know they are just as mad and dissappointed at themselves.
Both of these situations hit home because we played them out not only for these boys but for our two at home. How do we teach Micahbird the importance of obeying those in authority and how do we keep him from doing things that seem "fun at the moment"? Yikes. There are so many things out there that sell just that and bball is definitely the better end of that bargain. It just seems like as I talk about these things there is no way to teach Micah and Sadie Jane all that they need to know to be who God wants them to be. Well not No way, but it sure does seem daunting in light of the recent events. Hmmm...it does seem like there will be many lessons learned in just the way that some of these parents and kiddos are learning them. We are definitely in the coaching field because God called Mick and then subsequently me as his wife and now as his kiddos Micah and Sadie Jane are smack dab in the middle of ministry to a team of boys and girls whether they like it or not. As I type this I am glad that we get to minister to these kids but in situations like this they minister to us. They give us a teaching moment for Micah and allow us to grow as a family and learn more about how God wants us to mold and shape our family to serve Him.
So, oh my word, if you are still reading bless you. I just literally thought things out as I typed and learned a good bit too. So, take it for what it is worth and feel free to leave a comment of your thoughts. As you can see I in no way have mine all ironed out.
2 comments:
Oh the dilemna of parenthood. Sadly, we parents (in the "goodness" of our hearts) make the wrong choices even when we think we are making right ones. You are right, we cannot control our children, just raise them as best we can, pray for them, their hearts, their protection, and hope they turn out okay in spite of ourselves. I, too, worry about my impact and influence on my children and have come down to one common denominator - trust in a God who loves both me and my children - sin and all.
I grew up in a family where it appeared that my parents always did the "right" thing. I had really good parents, but with six kids, well, we all made different choices - some of us good ones, some of us not so good. And if you talked to my parents today, they would tell you that the decisions that seemed so "right" at the time, weren't "right" after all.
So all I can do is pray, ask for direction, and do my best, and leave my children and their hearts/choices/lives up to my heavenly Father. It ultimately is about my heart and my kids hearts and bringing us all closer to Himself!
I love reading your blog Stephanie. While you might think your subjects are taboo, they are in fact, real life. As a parent of a 13 year old daughter, I am scared beyond scared of her turning 15. After this most recent accident, Bill and I discussed for hours what we wanted to do in similar situations. All kinds of pressures and no real anwers untill we are actually there. How do you teach your kids to go against the grain and do the right thing? And it starts so much earlier than it did when we were young. I feel like I am a living example of choosing the wrong choices, and only by the grace of God, coming out on the other side. I know that my consequences were so minor compared to others, but I am hoping that they are enough to teach my kids about actions.
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