...because I still am not sure I do. Well, for those who have been reading my blog for a while now, you may remember a few years ago when I was helping my sister with addiction and often felt like I was on an episode of Cops. Seriously, sometimes I would just stand looking for the cameras. Thankfully after all that dust settled (for the most part), I thought we would simply be a lively reality show, with our families craziness and my children's silliness. But as of late, things had gotten pretty calm. I think we might even be considered a mild family sitcom...bring on the cameras type deal. BUT, then a little over a week ago things changed and I am almost certain we are now the newest candidate for a Lifetime movie special, I'm just hoping it doesn't end like alot of those movies end.
So, seriously, this subject I am about to embark on isn't a laughing matter (I don't think), but I needed a segway that wasn't so melancholy. So take it for what its worth. I have been swirling this post around in my head for a while now and I can't get it to come together, so I am typing now with no real intention of posting, but if you are reading that means it came out ok. We shall see. So back to reality...
Let's back it way up...lately, the Lord has really been laying it on my heart that to be used by Him all I need to do is be open to it. I have been preaching it to my softball bible study girls and I have been praying it to Jesus. Well, He has been so faithful to use me. But I had no idea where He was going to take me, how far, yet how close it would be.
So, we pull into our neighborhood last week and there is woman by our tennis courts just standing there staring at me when I pull by. She has on a traditional muslim head wrap and she looked sad. We have quite a few different women who walk in our hood with headwraps and flipflops, apparently its all the rage, so I wasn't really surprised by her. I went back to yelling, I mean, talking to my two and unloaded our clown car and attempted to get them to sleep. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. I answered and there stood that woman. She starts crying and talking, talking and crying. She is from a foreign country, married our neighbor directly across the street from us 2 months prior, is very scared, can't figure out if she can get out our gate, can speak surprisingly great english, has ALOT to tell me. So much there is no way that I could type all of the words we had that day, let alone in the days since then. I don't usually open the door, to strangers, at naptime, but something made me want to. I also prayed the whole time this woman was talking for God to help me to empathize with this woman and for Him to give me wisdom as to what her need truly was. We are so raised to be so skeptical and there is just no guarantee that I wasn't being duped. I also could only think about the last Dr Phil I watched on Mail order brides' and feared that my new neighbor was indeed just that...
I was so overwhelmed by her sadness and confusion and her story that I didn't have much to say. She kept saying "I know, this is a lot, it is alot to me" The kiddos were by then starting to grow restless so I had to say goodbye. I promised to pray for her and to see her again. I shut the door and tears ran down my face. Micah and SadieJane wanted to know why our new friend was crying and why I was so upset too. I put them to bed in a daze and then tried to make sense of her situation. I called Taron, who immediately put a plan into action for me to go back over the next day. While, I was busy processing, she was busy making plans. Thankfully together we talked things out and I figured out what I was concerned about and how I could help my neighbor....if she indeed needed any help at all.
All sorts of fears for my neighbor cropped up because I was so concerned for her safety and regretted not talking to her more the day prior. Before I go any further I know the Jenny in all of you is going "Why'd you open the door?", "Are you crazy?" She could be dangerous! And yes, I am thinking, I have thought of all these things and I am doing the best to both balance my need to do what God wants me to do to help a friend in need as well as do what God wants me to do to protect and be there for my family. Slippery slope indeed. But just because it is slippery doesn't mean it isn't worth me going down it, with God's guidance.
So thanks to Taron's peptalk and lots of prayer I headed over next day to check on my new friend and find out what got her so upset at my door. For those of you like Jenny, I also left the children with Taron too:) We talked for what felt like a few minutes and it was over an hour. What I found out is that she isn't in danger(that I can deduce at this time) but in dire need for friendship. She had been in her house for so long and had very limited contact with Americans other than her husband. She is unbelievably intelligent. A devout Muslim and a very kind woman. Who just so happened... is the exact same age as me. I have yet to meet her husband and have lots of questions and confusion as to what is going on there, but intend to keep my focus on being a friend and helping a sweet girl adjust to a very overwhelming new place. One thing that stood out from our conversations is that she feels just as strongly about her beliefs and love for God as I do. Sadly it isn't the same God. But that doesn't change my need to love her and show her Jesus through word and deed.
Never have I had God literally plop an opportunity at my front door. But now I have. I am unsure as to what the purpose of all of this is, but I can see and feel that it is way bigger than me. I can also see it wont be easy and that it will be a long road. There is much much more to this story now and I am sure it will continue to change. But I can see God's hand in each part and pray that I continue to yield to Him and do the right thing. That I both love others, love my family and teach both to do the same, without putting anyone in danger.
As usual this isn't just a post to help you mind my business it is one of conviction both for myself and possibly for you too. Or maybe not. This situation is a very very very complicated one and all the facts about it aren't really the issue. I could give you a play by play of all my concerns, questions and thoughts on it, but that doesn't really serve a purpose. I am trusting and praying for God to work at this situation and ask if you are reading this to please join me in that. Truth is it could be a total fluke...some kind of cruel joke I guess. But what does that change really, did Jesus tell us to check people's stories before we shared His love or before we offered help. The good Samaritan that I taught my 3 year olds this week, didn't ask the hurt man on the road what happened or get worried he might get his donkey dirty, he helped him. I also know he didn't bring him into his house and ask him to babysit his kids. So I will just keep reading and praying and trust God gives me wisdom to do the right thing. So, I encourage you to be a "neighbor" if God "knocks" on your door somehow sometime soon. What struck me most about this situation is how much the world in me and the cautiousness told me to back out of the situation. To shut the door. To wave curtly the next time I saw her, even if it were a month. To not "get involved". Sadly or not, that is/was my initial reaction. I also know God gives us an intuition when something is truly dangerous and that isn't what I am talking about, I definitely don't think we should ignore that or walk knowingly or blindly into a dangerous situation. I'm not advocating stupidity or even anything that truly makes someone uncomfortable. God moves us all differently and allows us to help in different ways. But as I prayed about this situation I knew that wasn't what God wanted from me. A woman was crying and shutting the door on her fears would be cruel and heartless. Having someone to talk to gave this woman hope and eased her fears. It wasn't "me" so much but just something this woman needed. God used me to help meet her need. Had I shut the door it would've been me that missed out on a blessing, a new friend, an opportunity to live out our memory verse for the week, teach my babies and to feel God's blessing. I'm not encouraging anyone to seek out danger but I just know I spend so much of my day looking inward that I rarely look around me the way that I should for others in need. One thing that my new friend said was "I have seen you come and go". (in some ways a little freaky), but mostly a parallel of how so many of us live coming and going without noticing or knowing about someone 50 feet away in great need and fear. It challenges me to look around me and to share Jesus' love more boldly.
As a complete sidenote...I took my new friend to have food from the chicken apartment today and she LOVED it! Definitely a God thing right:)
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