Third Time Mother

Well, it might have been a minute since I've found time to get on the internetz for blog perusing or writing. But my excuse is pretty good...and pretty cute. Having the 3rd child has officially maxed us out. Mentally and physically I just ran out of time to do much else. Things like blogging, plucking my eyebrows, washing my face, nurturing friendships, pottying alone, have all become things of the past. But alas, we are drawing closer to the year mark and I will emerge from the baby fog and maybe just one day the girl will sleep through the night two consecutive nights in a row. That day will make me a new woman for sure. But for now we are on our second round of snow days here in D Vegas and our washer is broken, so what's a girl to do if she can't tackle that load of laundry but write one of the 20 blogs that have been rolling around in my cobwebby brain all year.

Being a "first time Momma" was something all on its own. But for a control freak and worrisome gal like me it was a hard, hard, did I say hard? transition. This "third time Momma" stuff has surely not been all sunshine and roses, but it has been a much, much easier transition and one that I have enjoyed and learned to relish even in the hard moments. But let's be honest if you are out there getting advice and a "first time Momma" walks up we take their advice but after having 2 you just might nod and say thanks (not me, but "other people" do this;)) But if a "3rd time Momma" walks in with advice, most get out their notebooks to jot down each word she says. Ok, not really, but sortof. There comes a sort of trial by fire knowledge that you just can't get unless you've had to mother multiple babies all of different sleeping habits, eating habits and personalities. Knowing its your last I'm sure changes things too. But I guess its true what they say that babies can sense fear and maybe I was a tad bit afraid that I hadn't read enough manuals...and now I've realized there is no manual that will answer every question because every baby is so different. Even between my 3, what worked for one of them hasn't been true for all. That's part of the beauty of the 3rd, you know that so you don't stress as much. I wanted to write this post because there is a lot of hype flying around about how having 3 is the hardest and most stressful number of kiddos. They say after 3 the mom starts to let go. I guess I am just advanced, because I've started to let go with the 3rd;) I kid. But with the 3rd or 4th or 1st or 17th...whatever is your number that you finally (somewhat, I'm not saying this ever reaches perfection) understand that God is indeed in control and you indeed are not. I think having SelahBelle in the hospital and coming to the realization that God could spare her life, or God could indeed have her life cut short gave me a weird sense of freedom. Knowing that whatever His plan was, there would be purpose in it. That purpose might hurt something fierce and I might not understand it for many years, or ever. But fighting for control with a God who is way too big for that is just useless. I've realized with the 3rd that these babies are NOT mine alone. That they are entrusted to me for a time. I've got to be obedient to God and His calling...but I am free from a never ending cycle of guilt, burden and unproductive worry. Maybe I might need to read that truth daily though, because there is no doubt I forget it from time to time. The cuddling and enjoying even the sleepless nights have come easier, knowing how they are as quick as a vapor and my memories are already fading about my times with my 2 big ones. The sicknesses are still hard to watch anytime my babies hurt but I'm starting to learn with 3 my Mom and Grandmama might be right after all, their motto of "you can't run from it" is actually turning out true. While we still aren't going to play on the mall playground because I haven't completely been cleansed from my germaphobness, we are going to church and I am letting others hold SelahBelle without breaking out in hives. I love watching the joy she brings us and others. I love watching her nose crinkle and I love knowing how precious each moment is for all of us. Somehow the 3rd made me see just how big Micah is getting and how little SadieJane still seems...even though they are both growing at just the right pace. I have wanted to hold them both more, knowing they aren't my babies anymore and soon enough they wont even fit in my lap. But they'll both sit there regardless, just ask them, I am brainwashing them. I know that what I am learning now is a type of freedom in Christ. I have said in the past God gives you however many children it takes for you to relinquish control...and I have kept getting knocked up. But I also know that this lesson comes to many others in different ways and where I need to relinquish control might not be the same ways that you do...same deal as each child is different so are each of us Momma's. But I'm gonna ride this train as long as I can, enjoying each toothy grin and stinky diaper...knowing I'm gonna miss this soon enough. I have grown more sentimental...didn't know it was possible...but I have taken it to a whole new level. Mick and I'll be staring at each other at the dinner table wondering where the time has gone before we know it...

 

The other reason I haven't blogged much is social media stage fright has started to get to me. Things I type on facebook, on instagram, etc. consume my thinking at times. I know that I might be misinterpreted or judged. But this paralysis isn't worth me not documenting my time with my babies. So read on friend, if you wish, but let this disclaimer stand for all my further posts. Judge not lest you be judged. I love Jesus. A lot. I want people to see Him in me, in my husband, in my babies and in our family. If we know that about each other we will talk kinder, read with an open mind and put ourselves in each others shoes before we calmly agree or choose to disagree. K? K.