My posts have been so dark lately I thought I'd share a little brightness. Sadie Jane's room is coming together well. We have a few more things to add but I couldn't help but put up the picture with the wall words thing on it! The picture doesn't show the colors really well but you get the gist...What do you think?
I went to my Maw Maw's funeral today and while it was hard it was good closure in knowing that she was with the Lord. I had been anticipating it because I really wanted to have that final goodbye. I was expecting to feel some relief at the end but I knew there was a possibility that my sister would make an appearance there. She did. So the closure I felt with MawMaw was overshadowed by my unrelenting urge for reconciliation with my sister. To go from being so close our whole lives to becoming strangers who can't make eye contact is insane to me. I was physically sick with anxiety because of her presence. I hadn't seen her since I dropped her off at the rehab center nearly a year ago and hadn't talked to her since a few weeks after that. There is so much emotion and confusion pent up inside of me that I truly didn't know how to react. I had prayed all morning that if she were there God would give me wisdom in what to do...but nothing really came to mind. We eventually spoke and I at least got to tell her I love her and I introduced Micah to her because he knows we pray for her alot. I am just so sad. I want so bad for all of it to be behind us and for us to just be sisters but it isn't even close to being that easy. I got Micah and I in the car and sobbed because instead of feeling like my Maw Maw died I feel like my relationship with my sister is dying instead. There is hope and a promise that I will see my Maw Maw again and talk with her. But with my sister I have no idea when I will see her again or how to communicate with her if I do.
I know this post may be a little too raw and real and I probably should have kept it internally, but you all know me and my openness, and I for some reason continue to feel the need to purge myself from the situation in hopes that something miraculous will happen and this will simply be apart of the beautiful testimony that is to come. Oh please, Jesus, let it be.
Maw Maw is on the far left.Well our bad day ended on a really bad note yesterday. My Maw Maw who had been going down hill fast in the last few weeks, due to cancer, passed away. It wasn't a surprise to us, we knew that it was coming but it is so sad nonetheless. It is sad for us, but for her a rejoicing. She knew Jesus and we are so thankful that she isn't suffering any longer. The last time I visited her a few days prior she didn't even look like herself and it made me really sad...not wanting to remember her that way. I prayed over her that she wouldn't have to live like that much longer because I know she didn't want to, and nor do I quite frankly. The hardest part is my Dad having to deal with the loss of his parent. My PawPaw died quite awhile ago and was sick most of my lifetime...so his passing was a little bit easier to cope with for my Dad I think. Sadly I wasn't as close to my Maw Maw growing up as I was to my other older relatives. She and my Dad shared the characteristic of being a little harder to get to know. But I loved her and really made an effort to get to know her better after college. She, as all of us do, had a fascinating story of life and love and family and I am thankful I got to hear about it on a few occasions. After we started our family it got harder to get together and I regret that Micah didn't get to spend much time with her at all. My Maw Maw did live a long and healthy life and only at the end did she suffer and fortunately for not too long. So love on your family today being reminded that we aren't promised tomorrow.
I am terribly inconsistent. This is just a release on life with a two year old boy. So if you skip it that is good too. So I read the book, got the t-shirt, turned over a new leaf...whatever you want to say. But after vacation with Mick's whole family I vowed to be more consistent with disciplining Micah. Like anything else -I know what I need to do, and I can tell you what will work...but on days like today I start getting weary in well doing...or in wellspanking. Micah has tested every limit today. Each "right now" has ended with timeout or a spanking. I so don't want to spend days like this, it is just a real downer to be such a downer. Plus I am feeling the weight of this other (please Lord, much more compliant) child. We played this morning and had some sweet hang out time but anytime I would suggest Micah go potty, get dressed or walk two steps he rebelled. Therefore consistently I must discipline and discipline I did. We finally get in the car to go to the chicken house for some work and he immediately starts working the system. His new thing is not wanting to go potty. The kid can hold it for like 5 and 6 hours at a time...which is fine but he'll say he has to go then refuse once we are committed to saddle up. I refused to lose this morning so I informed him we would be there til there was a stream and he got so angry...oh my gosh...disturbingly angry...like if he were two years older I think he could have taken me out. Then he turned all red and screamed bloody murder...TWICE. We get that situation under control...he surrenders...tee tees...sweet victory for me...notsomuch after all that. We then come out of the bathroom to other people that want to speak with us but we are both to distressed to communicate. I go get some work done with gritted teeth and Mick shows up in the nick of time and Micah runs to Daddy. He is somewhat compliant through lunch for Mick and then as soon as he leaves its more with the testing. The afternoon continued like that til the boy went to sleep with no two books...as another lovely punishment for avoiding the "right now" again. So I am now a bit calmer but am praying I can be consistent for the rest of the day and then do it all over again tomorrow. And I am sure again tomorrow at my very best I'll be as inconsistent as I pray not to be.
With all that being said I do love my sweet bird and even now wouldn't trade it for the world.
Micah on his big boy bed...all proud.
Pointing to his personalized scoreboard.
The scoreboard! Thanks to Nana and Pops for some help funding such a cool finishing touch!
Micah showing off his new room...in his big boy briefs noless!
The boy loves to cheese it! Sitting on a trunk that was Uncle Cliff's army trunk.
Another wall...
The bed (was Pops when he was a little boy) with Pottery Barn sheets and pillows...we couldn't afford the comforter but the sheets look just as cute if you ask me.I mean Micah's Dream Room. Hee Hee! We have just finished Micah's Big Boy Room. The theme of course is baseball and I will have to say it is pretty cute. Mick took lots of ownership in creating this room and I think he wishes it was his. Micah has been sleeping in his big boy bed for amost 2 months or so now and doing amazingly well. He has come to terms with baby sister getting his old room and his crib. Even though yesterday during a fit he cried to be put in "baby sister's crib" too funny! We finally attacked Sadie Jane's room this past weekend and are close to being done. The hardest part was the painting and thanks to my handy hubby I didn't have to pick up a brush. We are waiting on a few things to finish her room and I will post pictures of it then. I will have to say I LOVE it!
We also went to the Dr. today to take a look at Sadie Jane. She is so cute and played Peekaboo the whole time. Which was a neat little gift for Micah because that is what he says he is going to do with her when she gets out. She is a big girl too but not as big as Micah was...she is only in the 77th percentile....Micah was in the 95th or above. But Dr. S. thinks we are looking at another big baby so we picked the tentative birthday for Miss Sadie Jane to be September 28th. We'll see if she holds on that long! I can't believe we already have a date...this pregnancy has gone by so quickly.
Happy Very Belated Birthday Aim!
Pax in action.
Once the Laser show began, Pax was about to conk out. So cute!
This boy can sweat.
Cheese.
We didn't get in the rainstorm...but we were wet from sweating!
All the girls...including the ever enlarging Sadie Jane.
Micah eating a moonpie sportin his mohawk of course!
Our family
The only picture of the boys together. We miss those days that we could pose them side by side:)Last night we headed to Stone Mountain Park for the Laser Show on the side of the mountain. Micah had never been and Amy was having a very belated birthday get together. We actually ended up timing it just right because when we arrived they were all there...we were about to park when the bottom fell out. So we took our fried chicken picnic to the back of our car. Amy and the other families that were all set up ended up drenched from head to toe! I was so glad we didn't get there any sooner. I am not real fond of that wet panty feeling. The soaked friends were all really good sports and so was Paxton who had the luxury of his own stroller. Amy mentioned that she was mostly glad I wasn't there yet...thanks Aim! We had a great time after the rain and enjoyed the laser show. I didn't remember all the fireworks before so Micah was not real excited about that. Happy Late Birthday Aunt Amy! We got home extremely late and ended up sleeping half the day today. What a lazy way to spend our last Sunday before the chaos of school and softball begin. Reality hits tomorrow!
Although they are hard to find I do have quite a few...best friends that is...and I am so thankful. This is a picture of my best friend from high school, Angela, and I. She came in to town briefly and our family got to have lunch with her WHOLE family. Which was really fun since I was sort of a fixture in their home throughout high school and college. I always called Ang's mom Cookie, because she made cookies virtually everytime we were there...Micah got to talk to her and meet her and he found it so confusing that I called her that. The whole time he apparently thought we were going to have dessert. Anyways, Angela moved away after college and never came back. Rare in the land of Dville, but she has found a place for herself in South Ga. So glad it isn't too far away. Here's to friends!
